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What discovery in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? v.3

What discovery in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? v. 3
There have been many inventions in the past one century that has improved the people's life in my country. Here, I would like to talk about the advancement of the agriculture industry that has transformed irrigation and farming process more effectively with less wastage, reduced time and human effort. Firstly, traditionally the irrigation was a human intense work and time-consuming process, like digging the wells, fetching the water from wells and building the passages to the field. In addition, people also depend on rain for natural irrigation, which has an adverse effect of spoiling the crops in case of excess rains. The modern inventions have facilitated the farmers to bore the wells, pump the water and sprinkle the water on the fields quickly. These inventions reduce time and effort spent on boring wells and pulling the water and wastage of water passing over the ground from one end to another end of the field. Secondly, in olden days planting the crops or seeds were a labour- intensive process and consumes more time, the farmers used the drag or harrow to incorporate the seed into the soil. The modern technology used the machines and equipment to sow or plant the seeds evenly at a desired rate that reduces the seed wastages and time to plant the seeds into the soil. It also enables to utilise the land evenly and produce more yield on a given area. Thus, latest innovations accelerated the farmers to produce more in a shorter span of time with reasonable costs, effort and fewer wastages compared to traditional methods.
There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inventions in the past one century that has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life in my country. Here, I would like to talk about the advancement of the agriculture industry that has transformed irrigation and farming process more
effectively
with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastage
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and human effort.

Firstly
,
traditionally
the irrigation was a human intense work and time-consuming process, like digging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wells
, fetching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wells
and building the passages to the field.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
depend on rain for natural irrigation, which has an adverse effect of spoiling the crops in case of excess rains. The modern inventions have facilitated the farmers to bore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wells
, pump the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and sprinkle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
on the fields
quickly
. These inventions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effort spent on boring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wells
and pulling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
passing over the ground from one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the field.

Secondly
, in olden days planting the crops or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeds
were a
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
- intensive process and consumes more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the farmers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the drag or harrow to incorporate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seed
into the soil. The modern technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the machines and equipment to sow or plant the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeds
evenly
at a desired rate that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seed
Possible spelling mistake found.
wastages
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to plant the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeds
into the soil. It
also
enables to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the land
evenly
and produce more yield on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
area.

Thus
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
innovations accelerated the farmers to produce more in a shorter span of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with reasonable costs, effort and fewer
Possible spelling mistake found.
wastages
compared to traditional methods.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay What discovery in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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