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Watching television is bad for children. v.5

Watching television is bad for children. v. 5
Some parents believe that watching television is bad for their children. So, they try to restrict their children from watching TV. However, other parents think that there is nothing bad in watching TV programmes. Personally, I think that watching TV brings tremendous benefits to the children unless they spend a lot of their valuable time in front of a TV set daily. It is recommended that children should spend less than a couple of hours daily for watching TV programmes and those programmes should be suitable for them. For the following reasons, which I will mention bellow, I believe that television plays an essential role in a child's development. First of all, television helps a child to extend his or her range of interests. Children can find out many new things and make many exciting discoveries for themselves. In addition to this practical benefit, television improves children's vocabulary, their memory and gives them the opportunity to gain more knowledge. I think it is essential for a child's growth. Of cause, someone can say that there are plenty of different resources of information such as books and teachers. But, I think, in our modern world children must learn faster and use all contemporary technology in order to succeed. Secondly, watching cognitive programs helps children to learn more about wildlife, our environment and about the importance of preserving our forest and wild animals that live there. Scientists say that a child should not watch TV more than 40 minutes successively and not more than 2-3 hours per day. For example, my mother always made us have a break after watching TV more than half an hour and let our eyes rest for several minutes before turning on the TV again. She did not let us watch the TV all day long as well. I think it is the best solution. To sum up, I believe that television gives children and all people the opportunity to learn what can not be learnt from books. Television and movies, in particular, allow people to feel the reality and see what they will most likely not be able to see in their lives. Personally, when I was a child I liked to watch cognitive programs about wild animals. Unfortunately, my family had only one TV, but these programs were the only ones we all wanted to watch. So, we gathered in our living room and watched them in complete silence and I always remember those moments with a smile on my face.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they try to restrict their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from watching TV.
However
, other parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that there is nothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
in watching TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
Personally
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that watching TV brings tremendous benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unless they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their valuable time in front of a TV set daily. It
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend less than a couple of hours daily for watching TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and those
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
should be suitable for them. For the following reasons, which I will mention bellow, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
plays an essential role in a child's development.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a child to extend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
range of interests.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can find out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
exciting discoveries for themselves.
In addition
to this practical benefit,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
children's vocabulary, their memory and gives them the opportunity to gain more knowledge. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is essential for a child's growth.
Did you mean "of course" (=naturally)?
Of cause
, someone can say that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
resources of information such as books and teachers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
, in our modern world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn faster and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all contemporary technology in order to succeed.
Secondly
, watching cognitive programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn more about wildlife, our environment and about the importance of preserving our forest and wild animals that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there.

Scientists say that a child should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV more than 40 minutes
successively
and not more than 2-3 hours per day.
For example
, my mother always made us have a break after watching TV more than half an hour and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our eyes rest for several minutes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
turning on the TV again. She did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the TV all day long
as well
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is the best solution.

To sum up, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
the opportunity to learn what can not be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from books.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
and movies,
in particular
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to feel the reality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what they will most likely not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Personally
, when I was a child I liked to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
cognitive programs about wild animals. Unfortunately, my family had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one TV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these programs were the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones we all wanted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we gathered in our living room and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
them in complete silence and I always remember those moments with a smile on my face.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Watching television is bad for children. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
416 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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