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What discovery in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? v.2

What discovery in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? v. 2
There have been various discoveries in last century that have helped my country to improve the people's standard of living and have made their life easier. Discoveries such as telephones, internet and advancement in medicine field have been proven to be very important for changing and shaping people’s lives. But the discovery that has proved to be most beneficial is the advancements in agriculture field such as improved irrigational facilities and improved fertilisers. India is primarily an agricultural nation, where still 60% of the population lives in villages. People mostly depend on agriculture and related activities for their livelihood. In earlier days, people were mainly dependent on monsoon and did not have an alternative method of irrigation. If monsoon failed, it would result in drought and hundreds of people would either die or become bankrupt. Also, with the poor quality of seed and bad farming practices, the output generally remained low and the majority of the crops were destroyed by rodents and worms/insects. We were not self-sufficient in producing food grains and hence had to import it from other countries. But with the advent of technologies and new improved farming practices, India's agricultural production has surged. We are no longer only dependent on monsoon. Although monsoon still remains as a major source of irrigation, but now we have dams and irrigational channels that provide water for cultivation throughout the year. The government has also focused on providing education on new and improved seeds, fertilisers and new farming techniques such as crop rotation. With the use of these new techniques, we have not only become self-sufficient in the production of our food grain but have a surplus amount for several years. India has also become an exporter of many food grains such as rice, wheat, sugar etc. This has not only helped our economy to grow but also made life easier for all Indians. In a nutshell, the discoveries made in the field of agricultural have proved to be a boon for us. We are now able to feed 1. 2billion people on our own and yet have a surplus amount. This has also improved the plight of farmers and has relieved huge pressure from our economy by becoming an exporter of food grain rather than an importer.
There have been various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
in last century that have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
my country to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's standard of living and have made their life easier.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Discoveries
such as telephones, internet and advancement in medicine field have
been proven
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for changing and shaping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discovery
that has proved to be most beneficial is the advancements in agriculture field such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
Possible spelling mistake found.
irrigational
facilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilisers' is British English.
fertilisers
.

India is
primarily
an agricultural nation, where
still
60% of the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in villages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
mostly
depend on agriculture and related activities for their livelihood. In earlier days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
mainly
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monsoon
and did not have an alternative method of irrigation. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monsoon
failed, it would result in drought and hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
or become bankrupt.
Also
, with the poor quality of seed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
farming practices, the output
generally
remained low and the majority of the crops were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by rodents and worms/insects. We were not self-sufficient in producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grains
and
hence
had to import it from other countries.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with the advent of technologies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
farming practices, India's agricultural production has surged. We are no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monsoon
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monsoon
still
remains as a major source of irrigation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we have dams and
Possible spelling mistake found.
irrigational
channels that provide water for cultivation throughout the year. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
also
focused on providing education on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
seeds,
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilisers' is British English.
fertilisers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
farming techniques such as crop rotation. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
techniques, we have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
become self-sufficient in the production of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have a surplus amount for several years. India has
also
become an exporter of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grains
such as rice, wheat, sugar etc. This has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
our economy to grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
made life easier for all Indians.

In a nutshell, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
made in the field of agricultural have proved to be a boon for us. We are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to feed 1. 2billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
yet
have a surplus amount. This has
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
the plight of farmers and has relieved huge pressure from our economy by becoming an exporter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grain
rather
than an importer.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay What discovery in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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