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What discovery in last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? Using specific reasons and examples to support your idea. v.1

What discovery in last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? Using specific reasons and examples to support your idea. v. 1
Now in the modern era, people all over the world are working or studying in the same country. Since, the humans are from different places it is the responsibility of the government to take appropriate actions to preserve harmony in the nation. Firstly, the person who is newly entered into the country should be monitored strongly against any criminal records. By ensuring that the person is not having any false background will be a great assurance to the council. For example, a pupil who is applying for a Permanent residence should undergo a lot of screening process to ensure the reliability of the individual. In my opinion, I believe, evaluating a person before entering into a country is much better than facing the troubles from his/her in the future. Secondly, the children all over the globe should be given training to talk in their global languages. However, this can build not only integrity among the students but also unity. Additionally, the people can celebrate a common festival. This can avoid huge religious related conflicts which occur, usually due to the differences of opinions. For example, conducting a monthly event for the children and the old people during the festival time, can make them feel excited. During these periods all the people from the entire province can meet in a same place, have their foods together, play some indoor and outdoor games. All these will manipulate a friendly environment. To conclude, In order to maintain harmony, authorities should be aware of how they could take care of their territory in a peaceful manner. Although, some conflicts and problem occurs, they should be handled in a way that it should not stimulate the problem even more higher.
Now
in the modern era,
people
all over the world are working or studying in the same country.
Since
, the humans are from
different
places it is the responsibility of the
government
to take appropriate actions to preserve harmony in the nation.

Firstly
, the person who is
newly
entered into the country should
be monitored
strongly
against any criminal records. By ensuring that the person is not having any false background will be a great assurance to the council.
For example
, a pupil who is applying for a Permanent residence should undergo
a lot of
screening process to ensure the reliability of the individual. In my opinion, I believe, evaluating a person
before
entering into a country is much better than facing the troubles from his/her in the future.

Secondly
, the children all over the globe should be
given
training to talk in their global languages.
However
, this can build not
only
integrity among the students
but
also
unity.
Additionally
, the
people
can celebrate a common festival. This can avoid huge religious related conflicts which occur,
usually
due to the differences of opinions.
For example
, conducting a monthly
event
for the children and the
old
people
during the festival time, can
make
them feel excited. During these periods all the
people
from the entire province can
meet
in a same place, have their foods together, play
some
indoor and outdoor games. All these will manipulate a friendly environment.

To conclude
, In order to maintain harmony, authorities should be aware of how they could take care of their territory
in a peaceful manner
. Although,
some
conflicts and problem occurs, they should
be handled
in a way that it should not stimulate the problem even
more higher
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay What discovery in last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? Using specific reasons and examples to support your idea. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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