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What discover in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? Use specific reason and example to support your choice. v.2

What discover in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? Use specific reason and example to support your choice. v. 2
We have discovered many things in the last 1 century; however, some things was still used and improved during the present. Several people might choose some things most beneficial to them, and others preferred other things was better than them. In my opinions, I think that the best advantage of discover was petrol and I have a lot of reasons for support my reasons: to transport, and to make electricity. To begin with, almost transportation including vehicle, aircraft and ship need to use petrol to be supply in the present. Actually, transportation or communication may move to many places to success for business in the modern time. For example, Somchai, who is the famous investor about electronic instrument need to contact abundant customers to benefit of his business. Without a doubt, he has to travel a lot of places by vehicle for national customers, by plane for international customers. He had to travel more than 20 times in the last month including in the country and overseas. From the this reason, we can conclude that the petrol is the best important transportation and communication because of traveling. Second of all, the electricity is mainly important thing to people in the world, almost all countries use electricity for living such as cooking, entertainment, manufacturing for industry and agriculture for farming. Exactly, the petrol is one of source for producing electricity. For instance, the countryside in Lampang province where is many high hills. Actually, the electricity system can not come to rural place, so many villagers need to make electricity own used by using petrol convert to electricity. All in all, we can conclude that the most advantage discover in last 1 century for people was petrol because it can support almost all living, business and working in the present time. Moreover, it can still help all people more convenience in their lifestyle.
We have discovered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in the last
Did you mean "1st century"?
1 century
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things was
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
during the present. Several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things most beneficial to them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
preferred other things was better than
In formal / written English, it is recommended that you use a subject pronoun.
them
. In my opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the best advantage of discover was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
and I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reasons for support my reasons: to transport, and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
electricity.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, almost transportation including vehicle, aircraft and ship need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
to be supply in the present. Actually, transportation or communication may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places to success for business in the modern time.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Somchai
, who is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
investor about electronic instrument need to contact abundant customers to benefit of his business. Without a doubt, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
places by vehicle for national customers, by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
for international customers. He had to travel more than 20 times in the last month including in the country and overseas. From
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only "the" or "this" is left.
the this
reason, we can conclude that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
is the best
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
transportation and communication
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of traveling.

Second of all, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world, almost all countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
for living such as cooking, entertainment, manufacturing for industry and agriculture for farming. Exactly, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
is one of source for producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
.
For instance
, the countryside in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lampang
province where is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high hills. Actually, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
system can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to rural place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
villagers need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
convert to electricity.

All in all, we can conclude that the most advantage discover in last
Did you mean "1st century"?
1 century
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can support almost all living, business and working in the present time.
Moreover
, it can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more convenience in their lifestyle.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay What discover in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? Use specific reason and example to support your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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