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What discover in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? Use specific reason and example to support your choice. v.1

What discover in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? Use specific reason and example to support your choice. v. 1
Some people believe that Universities should provide skills and knowledge which can help them later in their workplace. Few others think that educational institutions should only teach the coursework irrespective of its usability in the industry. In my opinion, Universities should equip students' with adequate skill set. On the one hand, in this modern era, many companies are evolved with advanced technologies. In order to cope with such advancements, it has become a mandatory requirement for employees to update their skills and knowledge pertaining to their field of work. Hence, Colleges should also update their teaching methodologies as per current market needs. They should be able to implement more practical sessions for students to get well versed with their subjects. Moreover it is very important things to do for us. On the other hand, Universities should have periodic meetings with students' so that they can utilize the platform to raise their concerns. Moreover, they should enhance their teaching strategies to include more part time faculties from the industry. For example, there are many colleges in Europe, offering evening classes where visiting faculties from the companies teach after their work. Finally, such approach will be beneficial to both sides to know what is required in the industry and what all changes are needed in their course. In conclusion, it is essential for the educational organizations to provide necessary knowledge and skills for students' which will be useful for their foreseeable future in their workplace. Also, Colleges should constantly update their coursework to correlate with market needs. Thus, by doing so students' will have a better future indeed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that Universities should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and knowledge which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them later in their workplace. Few others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that educational institutions should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teach the coursework irrespective of its usability in the industry. In my opinion, Universities should equip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students'
with adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
set.

On the one hand, in this modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are evolved
with advanced technologies. In order to cope with such advancements, it has become a mandatory requirement for employees to update their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and knowledge pertaining to their field of work.
Hence
, Colleges should
also
update their teaching methodologies as per
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
market needs. They should be able to implement more practical sessions for students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well versed with their subjects.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things to do for us.

On the other hand
, Universities should have periodic meetings with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students'
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can utilize the platform to raise their concerns.
Moreover
, they should enhance their teaching strategies to include more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
faculties from the industry.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
colleges in Europe, offering evening classes where visiting faculties from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
teach after their work.
Finally
, such approach will be beneficial to both sides to know what
is required
in the industry and what all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are needed
in their course.

In conclusion
, it is essential for the educational organizations to provide necessary knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students'
which will be useful for their foreseeable future in their workplace.
Also
, Colleges should
constantly
update their coursework to correlate with market needs.
Thus
, by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students'
will have a better future
indeed
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay What discover in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? Use specific reason and example to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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