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What custom from your home country are you most fond of? Describe thecustom and explain why you are fond of it. v.1

What custom from your home country are you most fond of? Describe thecustom and explain why you are fond of it. v. 1
It is believed by some schools that ought to teach children to compete, while there are others who believe that it is better to teach them how to be cooperative and a team worker. In my opinion, I believe that teaching children to be cooperative and a team player helps them to be more successful as students and later as adults. Schools would be more effective if they promote a competitive spirit in children, according to some. In other words, children who engage in competition at school are usually more motivated to try harder and, therefore, are more likely to excel in their studies which can in turn boost their self-confidence and self-esteem. In addition to this, learning to compete with others can heighten children`s creativity and develop their problem solving skills because, in order to win, children need to find the most effective way which ensures their success. However, some argue that teaching children how to work with others and to participate in team works would help them acquire more useful skills and I agree. Cooperation among children can help develop very important social skills like the ability for social interaction and negotiation which are not only helpful in their academic studies but can be very helpful to them later as adults. As a matter of fact, people are born as social beings and cannot lead an isolated life, and thus, learning how to work with others is a vital skill that they need to develop from childhood. In conclusion, although it is thought by some that schools should attend to creating a competitive spirit in children, I believe that it would be more helpful to children in both school and later in their adult life if they are encouraged to be cooperative and a good team player.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that ought to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to compete, while there are others who believe that it is better to teach them how to be cooperative and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
worker. In my opinion, I believe that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be cooperative and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
player
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be more successful as students and later
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
adults.

Schools would be more effective if they promote a competitive spirit in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who engage in competition at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are
usually
more motivated to try harder and,
therefore
, are more likely to excel in their studies which can in turn boost their self-confidence and self-esteem.
In addition
to this, learning to compete with others can heighten
The character between 'children' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "children’s" (curly apostrophe) or "children's" (straight apostrophe).
children`s
creativity and develop their problem solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in order to win,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to find the most effective way which ensures their success.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to work with others and to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
works would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them acquire more useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. Cooperation among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like the ability for social interaction and negotiation which are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helpful in their academic studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to them later
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
adults. As a matter of fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are born
as social beings and cannot lead an isolated life, and
thus
, learning how to work with others is a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
that they need to develop from childhood.

In conclusion
, although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should attend to creating a competitive spirit in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I believe that it would be more helpful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and later in their adult life if they
are encouraged
to be cooperative and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
player.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay What custom from your home country are you most fond of? Describe thecustom and explain why you are fond of it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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