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tpo4. task3. Evening Computer Classes May Be AddedThe computer department is considering offering evening classes in the fall. The proposal to add the classes is a response to student complaints that daytime computer classes have bec v.1

tpo4. task3. Evening Computer Classes May Be AddedThe computer department is considering offering evening classes in the fall. The proposal to add the classes is a response to student complaints that daytime computer classes have bec v. 1
It is generally accepted that the lifestyle of people has been changed drastically over the years. Hence, tendency of shifting more towards the cities and living in large apartments has become highly noticeable matter. I personally believe leading our lives in apartments tend to have more demerits. To begin with, people who share a big house are claimed to have less space compared with the other who lives in single home that does not allow their children to explore. Moreover, living in an apartment does not let the people lead a peaceful life as they hardly get a calm environment which causing mental pressure. For example, a study conducted by the Statistical Analysis Department at the University of New Hampshire on the mental growth of people living in Hampshire and it showed people living in a remote area in a calm environment have more mental strengths than the one who share large house with others. What is more, staying in a shared apartment comes along with some security issues like getting the things stole since people live with others. Wall Street journal conducted a survey on how people deal with security issues in New York city and the survey revealed that about 70% citizens are satisfied with safety issues who doesn’t share house. On the other hand, living in a block apartment allows them to be more social as they can involve in meetings arranged by them. In addition to, they remain in contact with one another consequently if one falls in a danger, they can immediately receive help in their emergency cases. To sum up, sharing the large home has some perceived benefits, but getting large space, strong security or having the chance of exploring need to be prioritised when making the decision on where to live.
It is
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
drastically
over the years.
Hence
, tendency of shifting more towards the cities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
has become
highly
noticeable matter. I
personally
believe leading our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
tend to have more demerits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
share a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
are claimed
to have less space compared with the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in single home that does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their children to explore.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead a peaceful life as they hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a calm environment which causing mental pressure.
For example
, a study conducted by the Statistical Analysis Department at the University of New Hampshire on the mental growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in Hampshire and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a remote area in a calm environment have more mental strengths than the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with others.

What is more
, staying in a shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
security issues like getting the things stole since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with others.
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Wall Street journal
conducted a survey on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deal with security issues in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York city
and the survey revealed that about 70% citizens
are satisfied
with safety issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'issues' should be used.
doesn
’t share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a block
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to be more social as they can involve in meetings arranged by them.
In addition
to, they remain in contact with one another
consequently
if one falls in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, they can immediately receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in their emergency cases.

To sum up, sharing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
home has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
perceived benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
space, strong security or having the chance of exploring need to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
when making the decision on where to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay tpo4. task3. Evening Computer Classes May Be AddedThe computer department is considering offering evening classes in the fall. The proposal to add the classes is a response to student complaints that daytime computer classes have bec v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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