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The position of women in society has changed markley in the last 20 years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as Juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and not at home I took care for their children v.1

The position of women in society has changed markley in the last 20 years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as Juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and not at home I took care for their children v. 1
Of late, smoking and ethanol consumption has been prevailing concern insignificant part of the world. A sea change has been witnessed that Reasons of using as well as business of tobacco and liquor still continue. The following paragraphs would shed light on the possible reasons for the problem and some useful things for consuming. To commence with the reasons of consuming methanol and tobacco. First and foremost is masses use liquor in religious terms as well as most of the native Americans use tobacco in several ceremonies. Secondly, consumption of wine is good for health and pleasurable where as, individuals take alcohol as a stress buster activity. Adding furthermore some people's face such problems when they drunk more it leads to illness, accidents. Even more, folks can create violence in public places after Overdose. On the other hand, many harmful things are there like the chemical used as inhalants and it has specific uses which are practical. So, banning will be impossible. As A epitome, sugar and salt can be over consumed in junk food is bad for health as similar arguments to alcohol, if ever human's cannot take in under Some precautions it's very worse for healthy lifestyle and therefore these things are socially accepted hence it can be recognised as a People's choice. To recapitulate, I personally believe that both things are harmful and masses need to Use according to their personal choice and they should have to responsible about the overindulging and putting others at risk through using.
Of late, smoking and ethanol consumption has been prevailing concern insignificant part of the world. A sea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
been witnessed
that Reasons of using
as well
as business of tobacco and liquor
still
continue. The following paragraphs would shed light on the possible reasons for the problem and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful things for consuming.

To commence with the reasons of consuming methanol and tobacco.
First
and foremost is masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
liquor in religious terms
as well
as most of the native Americans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
tobacco in several ceremonies.
Secondly
, consumption of wine is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for health and pleasurable
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
, individuals take alcohol as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster activity. Adding
furthermore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's face such problems when they
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "drank"?
drunk
more it leads to illness, accidents. Even more, folks can create violence in public places after Overdose.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
harmful things are there like the chemical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as inhalants and it has specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
which are practical.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, banning will be impossible. As A epitome, sugar and salt can be over consumed in junk food is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for health as similar arguments to alcohol, if ever human's cannot take in under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
precautions it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
worse for healthy lifestyle and
therefore
these things are
socially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
hence
it can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's choice.

To recapitulate, I
personally
believe that both things are harmful and masses need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
according to their personal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
choice and
they should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
responsible about the overindulging and putting others at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
through using.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The position of women in society has changed markley in the last 20 years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as Juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and not at home I took care for their children v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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