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What could be done to encourage people to buy local products? An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v.1

What could be done to encourage people to buy local products? An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v. 1
In the modern era we can't think our activity without the internet, nowadays it is not only a service but also became a necessity. I think, rapid access to the knowledge has improved our life. The easy access to knowledge has negative impacts on our lifestyle too. This essay will first discuss a few positive impacts and then will discuss a few negative aspects of increased access to information. First of all, easy access to knowledge enables us to keep ourselves updated and empowers us to explore different avenues. For example, in the pre internet era, students, who are willing to get education from an international college, had difficulties gathering knowledge regarding courses, class schedules etc. Now, students can access material from college websites readily, and even an online application to courses is possible. Also, one may subscribe to the preferred school's newsletter online and can get periodic updates. On the contrary, the convenience of access to the material made human being lazy. For example, earlier we had to open a dictionary to find a meaning of a word or to understand the use of that word. These days, students refer to the online application to do the same with a click. A study shows, such habit results in forgetting that word later, because our brain knows the solution is readily available. So, there is not much new learning, and researchers observed a constraint of vocabulary among new generation. So, to sum up, it is undeniable that easy access to information on the internet definitely improved our life and enable us to be more effective. On the other hand, like the other great innovations of technologies, the ease of getting knowledge does have some adverse effect on life and lifestyle. We, as an intelligent species, has to choose the use of the internet carefully in advance.
In the modern era we can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
our activity without the internet, nowadays it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a service
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
became a necessity. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, rapid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our life. The easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on our lifestyle too. This essay will
first
discuss a few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts and then will discuss a few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to information.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
enables us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves updated and empowers us to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
avenues.
For example
, in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre
internet era, students, who are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
education from an international college, had difficulties gathering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
regarding courses,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
schedules etc.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, students can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
material from college websites
readily
, and even an online application to courses is possible.
Also
, one may subscribe to the preferred school's newsletter online and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
periodic updates.

On the contrary
, the convenience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the material made human being lazy.
For example
, earlier we had to open a dictionary to find a meaning of a word or to understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of that word. These days, students refer to the online application to do the same with a click. A study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, such habit results in forgetting that word later,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our brain knows the solution is
readily
available.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is not much new learning, and researchers observed a constraint of vocabulary among new generation.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to sum up, it is undeniable that easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to information on the internet definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our life and enable us to be more effective.
On the other hand
, like the other great innovations of technologies, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effect on life and lifestyle. We, as an intelligent species,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
choose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet
carefully
in advance.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay What could be done to encourage people to buy local products? An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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