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Because of the negative effects on health of an inactive lifestyle, all university students and school children should be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week. Do you agree? v.1

Because of the negative effects on health of an inactive lifestyle, all university students and school children should be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week. Do you agree? v. 1
Due to the negative impact of an unhealthy lifestyle, both, college students and school children need to be compelled to do sports at least 3 times per week. With this easy, I am going to discuss the advantages of exercising and how exercise will help the student's to stay active, fit and healthy. First of all we must make clear that exercising is fundamental for the human being, not only because it keeps him in shape, but also because it improves the quality of life that he may have. Nowadays it is known that people are prone to obesity due to the hectic hours of work and the overload of studies, not to mention bad eating habits and lack of exercise caused by the aforementioned points, which attract many diseases. on the other hand, people who are active or who plays sports are healthier compared to the ones who are inactive. In today's world, most of the students spend their time using social media and playing games on their mobiles and refuse to spend their time on physical activities. As I see it, making training mandatory in schools and universities will help the student body to stay healthy, that is why I agree with the statement that educational institutions must ensure that students workout three times a week to help them to be physically and mentally stable and healthy. In conclusion, encouraging students in universities and schools to exercise and implementing schedules for physical activities within their academic plan will help students to be less prone to suffering from diseases, which leads to a relatively longer life and above all, healthy.
Due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of an unhealthy lifestyle, both, college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and school children need to
be compelled
to do sports at least 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
per week.

With this easy, I am going to discuss the advantages of exercising and how exercise will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the student's to stay active, fit and healthy.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that exercising is fundamental for the human being, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
him in shape,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of life that he may have. Nowadays it
is known
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are prone to obesity due to the hectic hours of work and the overload of studies, not to mention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits and lack of exercise caused by the aforementioned points, which attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are active or who plays sports are healthier compared to the ones who are inactive. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
using social media and playing games on their mobiles and refuse to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on physical activities.

As I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it, making training mandatory in schools and universities will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
body to stay healthy,
that is
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that educational institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure that
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
workout three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
a week to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to be
physically
and mentally stable and healthy.

In conclusion
, encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in universities and schools to exercise and implementing schedules for physical activities within their academic plan will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be less prone to suffering from diseases, which leads to a
relatively
longer life and
above all
, healthy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Because of the negative effects on health of an inactive lifestyle, all university students and school children should be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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