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What could be done to encourage people to buy local products? An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v.4

What could be done to encourage people to buy local products? An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v. 4
Nowadays, although foreign trade has become one of the most significant trends across the world, local trade should be encouraged to maintain sustainable economic growth among the nation. As a relevance, shopping online has developed quickly to adapt to the high demand of consumers, which obviously have many benefits and drawbacks to both companies and individuals. First of all, to enhance the sale of local products, the government should be involved to cope with many problems that local entrepreneurs have had to face. It is clear that, because of weak financial background, most of the small regional productions could not have enough material to boost their manufacture performance as well as marketing to help their products successfully to reach the potential market. Dealing with this issue, the most essential action the government need to do is provide financial aids and long term supports to ensure they have enough resources to end up with the obstacle. Moreover, public awareness is also a crucial aspect that has a notable impact on the survival of small local businesses which many responsible authorities could able to due to. For example, in South Australia, some city councils advertise the value of Kangaroo Island products such as honey, milk, eggs and dried fruit in many public parks or even in many supermarkets to encourage local consuming which lately will support the survival of the farmers on this island. In other words, as a result of explosive global trending, online shopping has many effects both in positive and negative ways. Firstly, shopping online positive encourages entrepreneurship among nations. It is obvious that, within some decades since the outbreak of the internet and trading online, there is a dramatic rise in the number of youngsters start-up who create their business based on the basis of the internet. For an instant, Alibaba express is a great home for online businesses where they just simply create an account and advertise the potential products to sell as quick as lightning. Secondly, because of the development of shopping online, there are many risks of being attacked by hackers. It should be addressed that since someone uses their personal details such as bank account and basic personal information, the hacker could use their well-developed techniques to steal their valuable information. In conclusion, to encourage local products trading, the government should be a key element to support local producers as well as create public awareness about the importance of local products. More than that, the responsible authorities should be involved in online shopping in order to maintain the equivalent of national economic development.
Nowadays, although foreign trade has become one of the most significant trends across the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
trade should
be encouraged
to maintain sustainable economic growth among the nation. As a relevance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has developed
quickly
to adapt to the high demand of consumers, which
obviously
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits and drawbacks to both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and individuals.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, to enhance the sale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be involved
to cope with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
entrepreneurs have had to face. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of weak financial background, most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
regional productions could not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
material to boost their manufacture performance
as well
as marketing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
successfully
to reach the potential market. Dealing with this issue, the most essential action the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to do is provide financial aids and long term supports to ensure they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with the obstacle.
Moreover
, public awareness is
also
a crucial aspect that has a notable impact on the survival of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsible authorities
Did you mean "could be able"?
could able
to due to.
For example
, in South Australia,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
city councils advertise the value of Kangaroo Island
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
such as honey, milk, eggs and dried fruit in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public parks or even in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
supermarkets to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
consuming which lately will support the survival of the farmers on this island.

In other words
,
as a result
of explosive global trending,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
effects both in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ways.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
encourages entrepreneurship among nations. It is obvious that, within
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
decades since the outbreak of the internet and trading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, there is a dramatic rise in the number of youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up who create their business based on the basis of the internet. For an instant, Alibaba express is a great home for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
businesses where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
create an account and advertise the potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to sell as quick as lightning.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of
being attacked
by hackers. It should
be addressed
that since someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
such as bank account and basic personal information, the hacker could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their well-developed techniques to steal their valuable information.

In conclusion
, to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
trading, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be a key element to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
producers
as well
as create public awareness about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. More than that, the responsible authorities should
be involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in order to maintain the equivalent of national economic development.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay What could be done to encourage people to buy local products? An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
429 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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