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What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society? v.1

What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society? v. 1
An essential element of the ecosystem is water. Water pollution occurs when harmful chemicals or microorganisms are released into water bodies, which results in the degradation of animal and human’s life quality. Undoubtedly, our precious aquatic resources are deteriorating rapidly for numerous reasons, and most of these reasons trace back to us. Furthermore, one of our major contributions in this catastrophe, is the toxic industrial byproducts getting dumped by factories on a daily basis in a nearby river rather than disposing of the waste responsibly. Unarguably, compromised infrastructure might aggravate the situation even more, by leaking or draining intentionally sewage water into a nearby source of water. Additionally, accidental oil spills by releasing a huge amount of liquid petroleum into the sea and rarely on land is considered a devastating environmental disaster on its own m. Water degradation has many obvious repercussions that we can’t overlook. Surprisingly, many fatal diseases are caused and transmitted by contaminated water. For instance, cholera outbreaks in destitution communities, skin diseases and cancer. Unfortunately, not only human beings are affected, but each and every creature depending on water will suffer and die. Thus disrupting the whole food chain. Certain measures have to be taken if we want to survive this ordeal. Firstly, government officials must legislate laws that fine and strictly punish factory owners for violating environmental safety regulation. Secondly, Raising awareness concerning water pollution to prevent the exacerbation of this calamity and urging people to behave more responsibly. To sum up, if human beings do not relinquish the persistent attitude of carelessness and selfishness toward the others and themselves they won't survive this ordeal.
An essential element of the ecosystem is
water
.
Water
pollution occurs when harmful chemicals or microorganisms
are released
into
water
bodies, which results in the degradation of animal and human’s life quality.

Undoubtedly
, our precious aquatic resources are deteriorating
rapidly
for numerous reasons, and most of these reasons trace back to us.
Furthermore
, one of our major contributions in this catastrophe, is the toxic industrial byproducts getting dumped by factories on a daily basis in a nearby river
rather
than disposing of the waste
responsibly
.
Unarguably
, compromised infrastructure might aggravate the situation even more, by leaking or draining
intentionally
sewage
water
into a nearby source of
water
.
Additionally
, accidental oil spills by releasing a huge amount of liquid petroleum into the sea and rarely on land
is considered
a devastating environmental disaster on its
own
m.

Water degradation has
many
obvious repercussions that we can’t overlook.

Surprisingly
,
many
fatal diseases
are caused
and transmitted by contaminated
water
.
For instance
, cholera outbreaks in destitution communities, skin diseases and cancer. Unfortunately, not
only
human beings are
affected
,
but
each and every creature depending on
water
will suffer and
die
.
Thus
disrupting the whole food chain.

Certain measures
have to
be taken
if we want to survive this ordeal.
Firstly
,
government
officials
must
legislate laws that fine and
strictly
punish factory owners for violating environmental safety regulation.
Secondly
, Raising awareness concerning
water
pollution to
prevent
the exacerbation of this calamity and urging
people
to behave more
responsibly
.

To sum up, if human beings do not relinquish the persistent attitude of carelessness and selfishness toward the others and themselves they won't survive this ordeal.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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