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Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society? v.3

Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society? v. 3
The drink degradations has been rapidly raised and make a serious issue of clean water. The climate damaged by people due to the discharging of chemical waste into the rivers, lakes and seas. In this essay I will discuss the remedial measures and side effect of a dirty rainstorm on the communities and wildlife life. On the one hand, there are two major reasons why people are afraid of environment contamination because people acquire more money, so that they damaging the surroundings by dumped toxic waste into the rivers and that rainfall drinks by economically deprive people. As a result, the rainfall ailments has been ascended. The second reason of this is that, the vehicles spew obnoxious gases into the atmosphere and its deleterious to shift the ecosystem and ozone layer depletion, hence, the inner system gets damaged by not getting fresh air into the surrounding and sun rays deleterious for skin cancers. On the other hand, it is counterclaimed that, it is the fact that, there are many beasts, endangered due to drinking of hazardous drink, which affect on the inner immune system and raised the ailments. Since, the chemicals dumped into the rivers, folks are more associated with health problems, and also its risk to aquatic life. Further and even more, not only the rain, pollution jeopardized the heart, but also of the environment is harmful to the society. By way of conclusion, earning is not only revolutionizing the growth of living, so we all have taken steps to save the earth by reducing discharging squander into the drink sources.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
Possible spelling mistake found.
degradations
has been
rapidly
raised and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a serious issue of clean water. The climate damaged by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to the discharging of chemical waste into the rivers, lakes and seas. In this essay I will discuss the remedial measures and side effect of a dirty rainstorm on the communities and wildlife life.

On the one hand, there are two major reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are afraid of environment contamination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
acquire more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
Did you mean "they're damaging", "they are damaging", or "they were damaging"?
they damaging
the surroundings by dumped toxic waste into the rivers and that rainfall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
by
economically
deprive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, the rainfall ailments has
been ascended
. The second reason of this is that, the vehicles spew obnoxious gases into the atmosphere and
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
deleterious to shift the ecosystem and ozone layer depletion,
hence
, the inner system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
damaged by not getting fresh air into the surrounding and sun rays deleterious for skin cancers.

On the other hand
, it
is counterclaimed
that, it is the fact that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beasts, endangered due to drinking of hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
, which
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the inner immune system and raised the ailments. Since, the chemicals dumped into the rivers, folks are more associated with health problems, and
also
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to aquatic life.
Further
and even more, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the rain, pollution jeopardized the heart,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
of the environment is harmful to the society.

By way of conclusion, earning is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
revolutionizing the growth of living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we all have taken steps to save the earth by reducing discharging squander into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
sources.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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