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it is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

it is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. v. 2
Although many people are of the opinion that some individuals are originally gifted with skills in sports or music, other have stated that any child can become a good athlete or musician through training and learning. In my opinion, without passion and determination, the children cannot achieve their goals even being blessed with natural-born talent or practicing. On the one hand, teaching and training help children sharpen their abilities. In other words, through practicing and intensive learning, the children are taught to focus on the strength and limit the weakness. In can be done by applying themselves to the suitable subjects such as the gymnasium or swimming rather than trying to do both at the same time. On the other hand, with appropriate training method, the children are able to gradually build up necessary experience for future competition. Generally, after each learning session, the learners will have opportunities to put what they have learnt into practice as in-class assessment or local competing games with other training facilities. This encourages them to practically improve their skills, and therefore, prepare well to advance themselves in more professional stages. Finally, in my view, becoming a good athlete or musician, mainly depends on passion and determination toward their aims. Technically, even though being born with certain gifts such as good vocal or strong muscles, without hard work, an individual is impossible to become what he/she aims at. Furthermore, doing something passionately plays a vital role in one’s success since it mentally motivates people to accomplish their life goals. In conclusion, despite people have different view, I am convinced that hard work and passionate manner are the keys to form a good people in every field
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are
originally
gifted with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in sports or music,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
have stated that any child can become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
athlete or musician through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and learning. In my opinion, without passion and determination, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot achieve their goals even
being blessed
with natural-born talent or practicing.

On the one hand, teaching and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
sharpen their abilities. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, through practicing and intensive learning, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to focus on the strength and limit the weakness. In can
be done
by applying themselves to the suitable subjects such as the gymnasium or swimming
rather
than trying to do both at the same time.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, with appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
method, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to
gradually
build up necessary experience for future competition.
Generally
, after each learning session, the learners will have opportunities to put what they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
into practice as in-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
assessment or local competing games with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
facilities. This encourages them to
practically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and
therefore
, prepare well to advance themselves in more professional stages.

Finally
, in my view, becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
athlete or musician,
mainly
depends on passion and determination toward their aims.
Technically
,
even though
being born
with certain gifts such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
vocal or strong muscles, without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, an individual is impossible to become what he/she aims at.
Furthermore
, doing something
passionately
plays a vital role in one’s success since it mentally motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to accomplish their life goals.

In conclusion
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
view, I
am convinced
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and passionate manner are the keys to form a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in every field
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay it is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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