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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion? v.4

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 4
Some people believe that to be successful in life you have to attend an educational institution with final degree instead others suppose that is better to get a job after school. I totally agree with the first idea because there are a lot of advantages to be graduate. However, I also believe that is not rewarding for your career working without qualification. Study at academy helps people to be open-mind because you can improve yourself by the year. Nowadays, if you want a satisfying job you must have a degree. Companies are looking for the best workers in the society to increase own profits. In Italy, my country, is very common to be contacted by firm if you have high grades. If you do not like to studying you can find all kinds of jobs, but it is hard to have a successful race. Some time people who quit school can just do manual labour. Our society is completely different from the past, therefore therefore employed should have more skills to find occupation. According to me, study at university is very important for many reasons: first teachers give you the tolls to be critical-thinker and second you have more time to focus and analyse what are you going to do. In my university, for example, I did a lot of curriculum, internship and this helps students to have a better career. Much research has shown as graduates have more opportunity to become a manager. I Suppose the main difference between the two ideas is the prospective of the future work orientation because without academic skills it is very hard to make a relevant course.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that to be successful in life you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attend an educational institution with final degree
instead
others suppose
that is
better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job after school. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages to be graduate.
However
, I
also
believe
that is
not rewarding for your career working without qualification.

Study at academy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be open-mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
yourself by the year. Nowadays, if you want a satisfying job you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a degree.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
are looking for the best workers in the society to increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
profits. In Italy, my country, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common to
be contacted
by firm if you have high grades.

If you do not like to studying you can find all kinds of jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to have a successful race.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who quit school can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
. Our society is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the past,
therefore
therefore
employed should have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to find occupation.

This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, study at university is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons:
first
teachers give you the tolls to be critical-thinker and second you have more time to focus and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
what are you going to do. In my university,
for example
, I did
Possible agreement error. The noun curriculum seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of curricula", "a lot of curriculums".
a lot of curriculum
, internship and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
students to have a better career. Much research has shown as graduates have more opportunity to become a manager. I Suppose the main difference between the two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
is the prospective of the future work orientation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a relevant course.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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