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What are the merits and demerits of globalization on developing nations? v.1

What are the merits and demerits of globalization on developing nations? v. 1
Globalization has resulted in more business and cultural contacts among various nations. This also means that people around the globe are more connected. This situation has both pros and cons which we can discuss in the following paragraphs. Firstly, there are many benefits of this extension. Mainly, more job opportunities. Multinational companies are open worldwide, offering jobs to thousands of people. Secondly, the growth in economy with the efficient trade between countries. Thirdly, cultural awareness, which can be acquired with the travelling to vast cultures of different countries. Moreover, today people have more choices of products because of this world-wide integration. Proliferation has also allowed a significant rise in the level of technology used in today’s world. For example, E-commerce procedures in majority of businesses. On the other hand, it can lead to job insecurity. Globalism has led to firms outsourcing their jobs to developing countries, which have led to lesser jobs in developing countries. In addition, it led to fluctuation in prices of products. It has promoted to the escalation of the marketing competition on the international economies. Furthermore, such development is viewed by many as a threat to the world's cultural diversity. Internationalization uses up finite resources more quickly. As an example, China joined the world trade organization in December 2001. In 2002, its coal use began rising rapidly. To summarize globalisation can be said to be good, bad and inevitable. People want the good to outweigh the bad, but prolonged exposure to globalisation is something that is inevitable. The only solution is to make use of the resources of the nature in the best manner possible for both the betterment of businesses and society.
Globalization has resulted in more business and cultural contacts among various nations. This
also
means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe are more connected. This situation has both pros and cons which we can discuss in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of this extension.
Mainly
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities. Multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are open worldwide, offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, the growth in economy with the efficient trade between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Thirdly
, cultural awareness, which can
be acquired
with the travelling to vast cultures of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more choices of products
because of this
world-wide integration. Proliferation has
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
a significant rise in the level of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world.
For example
, E-commerce procedures in
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
businesses.

On the other hand
, it can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
insecurity. Globalism has led to firms outsourcing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which have led to lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
In addition
, it led to fluctuation in prices of products. It has promoted to the escalation of the marketing competition on the international economies.
Furthermore
, such development
is viewed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as a threat to the world's cultural diversity. Internationalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
up finite resources more
quickly
. As an example, China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world trade organization
in December 2001. In 2002, its coal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
began rising
rapidly
.

To summarize
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
can
be said
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and inevitable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
want the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to outweigh the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
prolonged exposure to
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
is something
that is
inevitable. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the resources of the nature in the best manner possible for both the betterment of businesses and society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay What are the merits and demerits of globalization on developing nations? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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