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In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples v.4

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? 4
In the era of modern, the world is being become more beautiful rather than in the past years. More and more youngsters obtain a high-level of education. They are leaving their parents due to some circumstances. When pupils complete study after that they drop out their parents. They start living as well as sharing things like homes with their friends. I deem that it is not only a positive growth of society, but also students. There are many advantages and some drawbacks, which I will examine in the following paragraphs. To embark with, there are many advantages of leaving their parents and living with friends. First of all, students get an opportunity making new friends, who belong to other religions. Like as, when a person contact with other types of people. He or she wants to make them friends. And they learn many things about the culture, food, language, lifestyle of their nations. Students not only make current friends, but also feel independent during their life. Hence, it is not doubt that it is a positive growth. In addition to it, when students drop out their parents. They leave the responsibility, which have on their shoulders. Besides this, when they live and share things with friends. To cite an example, the way of this reduces the rent of the home. They can pay the money equal to the rent man. So it saves the wages of students. It is the greatest positive effects on the learners. On the other side, it has some negative influence on the mind of toddlers, as some professional know very well, they have to suffer some situations. To illustrate, their parents are from middle class family. However, they try to give the proper education their children. Sometimes, they come to deal many quandaries in life. When their children leave to parents, their parents are not able to earn the money for alive life. So it impacts on the society of youngsters. In summary, I would say that every coin has two aspects. Even though, leaving their parents and sharing, living with friends with the student has many positive effects, yet it has some drawbacks. I judge that it has many advantages than disadvantages of this phenomenon.
In the era of modern, the world is
being become
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
rather
than in the past years. More and more youngsters obtain a high-level of education. They are leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances. When pupils complete study after that they drop out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
living
as well
as sharing things like homes with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. I deem that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
growth of society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, which I will examine in the following paragraphs.

To embark with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity making new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, who belong to other religions. Like as, when a person contact with other types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. He or she wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. And they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things about the culture, food, language, lifestyle of their nations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
feel independent during their life.
Hence
, it is not doubt that it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
growth.

In addition
to it, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
drop out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the responsibility, which have on their shoulders.
Besides
this, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and share things with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. To cite an example, the way of
Did you mean "these"?
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the rent of the home. They can pay the money equal to the rent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it saves the wages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It is the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
effects on the learners.

On the other side, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the mind of toddlers, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professional know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations. To illustrate, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are from middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family.
However
, they try to give the proper education their children.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to deal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
quandaries in life. When their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not able to earn the money for alive life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it impacts on the society of youngsters.

In summary, I would say that every coin has two aspects.
Even though
, leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and sharing, living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
effects,
yet
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. I judge that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages than disadvantages of this phenomenon.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
371 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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