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What are the factors which are related to academic success in high-school students? v.1

What are the factors which are related to academic success in high-school students? v. 1
It is a fact that every high school student has his/her own different capacity in terms of academic study. Some students might have good results in arts while others might be good at science or mathematics. However, despite the subject that the student likes, there are several factors that will affect to his/her achievements, and the following essay will discuss them in details. Firstly, it is important for students to get some attention from their parents. Some parents do spend times for discussing the projects at school, share the knowledge and give some advice to their children. Many people do not realise that these kinds of simple activities could influence and motivate children in achieving their best results at school. Secondly, teachers should not rank some subjects at school. Some teachers believe that subjects such as mathematics or sciences are more superior than arts or physical educations. This kind of attitude should be prohibited at schools, as some students might perform well at sports while others are good at literature. Instead of classifying some subjects, teachers should learn to acknowledge the talent of their students and support them. Last but not least, high-school students should have a positive mindset. They should focus on studying all subjects that are taught at school, though some of them might not be their favourite subjects. They should understand clearly that all courses will be useful for them in the future. For example, although some students might become professional doctors in the future, it is important for them to study about accounting as well since they have to manage their own financial matters. In conclusion, there are many factors that affect the academic success of a secondary school student. But in my opinion, the three important factors are the supportive parents, teachers’ fairness and the positive mindset of the student him/herself.
It is a fact that every high
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school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
capacity in terms of academic study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results in arts while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at science or mathematics.
However
, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
likes, there are several factors that will affect to his/her achievements, and the following essay will discuss them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attention from their parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents do spend times for discussing the projects at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, share the knowledge and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advice to their children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that these kinds of simple activities could influence and motivate children in achieving their best results at school.

Secondly
,
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teachers
should not rank
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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teachers
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as mathematics or sciences are
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
arts or physical educations. This kind of attitude should
be prohibited
at
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schools
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
perform well at sports while others are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at literature.
Instead
of classifying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should learn to acknowledge the talent of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and support them.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, high-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mindset. They should focus on studying all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
are taught
at
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school
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
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subjects
. They should understand
clearly
that all courses will be useful for them in the future.
For example
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
become professional doctors in the future, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to study about accounting
as well
since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
financial matters.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that affect the academic success of a secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion, the three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors are the supportive parents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
fairness and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mindset of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
him/herself.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay What are the factors which are related to academic success in high-school students? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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