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Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. v.3

Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. v. 3
At recent years, western people are considered as unhealthy people, and one of the major reason is the way they eat. I will elaborate my opinion below with several arguments and solutions. Western countries, which are well-known as countries with overwhelming economy meaning higher productivity among the people, design working models for workers to spend less time in consuming food rather than do their tasks and deadlines. As a result, food industries invent fast food which has inevitable bad effects. Junk food contains dire substances such as excessive fat in hamburgers and hot-dogs or rotted calories and proteins in pancakes. These containments trigger severe illness such as lung and heart cancer. As consequence, logically the costs of treatments outweigh the high income achieved from workforces. However, still, there are ways out. First, they should limit consuming garbage foods by eating more for healthy swift homemade foods such as sandwich and salad. These menus are easy to be made and the ingredients are cheap to be bought in public markets. Second, the western people are suggested to schedule their time exercising whether in the gym or at home. High-intensity sports which consist of seven to ten minutes training are so beneficial for busy labour because to do these sports only needs a small amount of time and have been revealed as the most effective type of sports in spite of professional athletes and also can be found easily on the internet. To sum up, by giving highest performance in a workplace does not always relate to sacrifice our physical healthy. People, especially in western, should avoid the drawbacks brought by fast food by doing things revealed above to gain maximum profit in both economy and healthy sides.
At recent years, western
people
are considered
as unhealthy
people
, and one of the major reason is the way they eat. I will elaborate my opinion below with several arguments and solutions.

Western countries, which are well-known as countries with overwhelming economy meaning higher productivity among the
people
, design working models for workers to spend less time in consuming
food
rather
than do their tasks and deadlines.
As a result
,
food
industries invent
fast
food
which has inevitable
bad
effects.

Junk
food
contains dire substances such as excessive
fat
in hamburgers and hot-dogs or rotted calories and proteins in pancakes. These
containments
trigger severe illness such as lung and heart cancer. As consequence,
logically
the costs of treatments outweigh the high income achieved from
workforces
.

However
,
still
, there are ways out.
First
, they should limit consuming garbage
foods
by eating more for healthy swift homemade
foods
such as sandwich and salad. These menus are easy to
be made
and the ingredients are
cheap
to be
bought
in public markets. Second, the western
people
are suggested
to schedule their time exercising whether in the gym or at home. High-intensity sports which consist of seven to ten minutes training are
so
beneficial for busy
labour
because
to do these sports
only
needs a
small
amount of time and have
been revealed
as the most effective type of sports
in spite of
professional athletes and
also
can
be found
easily
on the internet.

To sum up, by giving
highest
performance in a workplace does not always relate to sacrifice our physical healthy.
People
,
especially
in western, should avoid the drawbacks brought by
fast
food
by doing things revealed above to gain maximum profit in both economy and healthy sides.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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