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Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. v.2

Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. v. 2
In recent days, people argue that Western people have a sedentary life because of consuming unhealthy food and having a bad diet habit. Some assert that they must alter their lifestyle in order to keep fit in daily life. From my point of view, having a bad diet is one of the main factors because I believe that there are others factors involved in this case. Therefore, this essay will look into the reasons with some considerations. Firstly, it is true that to have a healthy life Western people should change their bad diet. As far as I know that the fashionable trend in Western people is eating fast food or junk food. Therefore, they have to consume fresh fruits and vegetables. They should stop consuming the frozen foods even stop drinking soda or alcohol. They should change to consume more foods which are full of nutrition and vitamins. As a result, they will have a healthy lifestyle. Secondly, one of other factors is that western people are hard workers, thus they have no time to do exercises to keep their healthy. What I believe is that it is not enough for them if they only change they daily diet, but they should manage their time to do some sporting activities. For instance, they can spend their weekends by going to a fitness centre. The sedentary lifestyle caused by the lack of time to relax their body. The fact shows that they just have monotonous activities which are staying in the workplace and consuming instant foods. There is no time for them to cook by their own. Therefore, I personally believe that Western people should be able to manage their time wisely. To sum up, the reasons why Western people's health condition is getting worse not only because of having a bad diet, but it was also affected by having no good time management. As the result, they should alter their food consumption and provide time to do sporting activities, thus they can create; life balance and stay healthy.
In recent days,
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people
argue that Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of consuming unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
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having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
diet habit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assert that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
alter their lifestyle in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
diet is one of the main factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that there are others factors involved
in this case
.
Therefore
, this essay will look into the reasons with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerations.

Firstly
, it is true that to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
diet. As far as I know that the fashionable trend in Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consume fresh fruits and vegetables. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
consuming the frozen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
drinking soda or alcohol. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to consume more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which are full of nutrition and vitamins.
As a result
, they will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

Secondly
, one of other factors is that western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
workers,
thus
they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do exercises to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. What I believe is that it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for them if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
they daily diet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sporting activities.
For instance
, they can spend their weekends by going to a fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. The sedentary lifestyle caused by the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax their body. The fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have monotonous activities which are staying in the workplace and consuming instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. There is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them to cook by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Therefore
, I
personally
believe that Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be able to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
.

To sum up, the reasons why Western
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health condition is getting worse not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
diet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management. As the result, they should alter their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption and provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do sporting activities,
thus
they can create;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance and stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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