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What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise incriminal activity? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevantexamples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise incriminal activity? v. 2
Over the past few years, the crime rates in our country has skyrocketed due to various reasons. This essay will address the causes of illegal acts and provide preventative actions to lessen the criminal activity. Firstly, the foremost reason for the rising crime rates are illiteracy. Education is a system that builds a base for human behaviour. It teaches them to value other human kinds. Many families in rural areas are unable to educate their children due to lack of awareness regarding the importance of education. They are ignorant of the fact that sending toddlers for daily wage-based jobs does not help them to grow in an environment where they get an opportunity to mingle with literate people. Instead, they are exposed to a culture where chaos and quarrels play a major role and end up becoming an assassin or a trouble maker in the society. For example, terrorists and politicians. Secondly, another cause for huge number of harmful acts is unemployment. Unemployment is a position when folks are educated but unable to get a job. Rising cost of living and poverty sometimes leads in making crime. Majority crimes are performed by underemployed and unemployed people. For instance, the previous year statistical report reveals that nearly 27% of the crimes committed in our country are by inhabitants within the age group of 23 – 35 years. However, there are numerous ways in which crime rates can be curtailed. Government must create job opportunities for the youngsters who are educated. In addition to the above, the ruling authorities should set a minimum salary or wage rate for each occupation which will demolish unemployment as well as poverty. Increase in job opportunities with good pay will also narrow down the percentage of brain drain in the country. Furthermore, humanity plays a vital role in minimizing crime rates. People must respect each other and show kindness, irrespective of their occupation and wealthy position. Plethora of crimes rises due to people’s judgemental and provoking attitude. Hence, this can lessen by helping folks who lack basic needs. To conclude, I pen down saying that good governance can cut down the crime rates. Perhaps it is humanity that actually saves people from doing crimes.
Over the past few years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in our country has skyrocketed due to various

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
reasons
. This essay will address the causes of illegal acts and provide
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
preventative


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
actions
to lessen the criminal activity.

Firstly
, the foremost reason for the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
are illiteracy. Education is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
a


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
system
that builds a base for human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. It teaches them to value other
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
human


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
kinds
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
families in rural areas are unable to educate their children due to lack
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
awareness
regarding the importance of education. They are ignorant of the fact
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
that


sending toddlers for daily wage-based jobs does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to grow in an

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
environment
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to mingle with literate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Instead
, they

are exposed
to a culture where chaos and quarrels play a major role and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
becoming
an assassin or a trouble maker in the society.
For example
, terrorists
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
politicians
.

Secondly
, another cause for huge number of harmful acts is unemployment.

Unemployment is a position when folks
are educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job. Rising

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
cost
of living and poverty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
leads in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Majority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
are


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
performed
by underemployed and unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, the previous
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
year


statistical report reveals that
nearly
27% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed in our country are by

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
inhabitants
within the age group of 23 – 35 years.

However
, there are numerous ways in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
can
be curtailed
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
must
create job opportunities for the youngsters who
are educated
.
In addition
to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


above, the ruling authorities should set a minimum salary or wage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
for each

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
occupation
which will demolish unemployment
as well
as poverty. Increase in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
job


opportunities with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pay will
also
narrow down the percentage of brain drain in the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
country
.

Furthermore
, humanity plays a vital role in minimizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
respect


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
each
other and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
kindness, irrespective of their occupation and wealthy position.

Plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
rises due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'judgemental' is British English.
judgemental
and provoking attitude.
Hence
, this

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
can
lessen by helping folks who lack basic needs.

To conclude
, I pen down saying that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
governance can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates.

Perhaps it is humanity that actually saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Mistakes

IELTS essay What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise incriminal activity? v. 2

Essay
  American English
30 paragraphs
368 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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