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Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 2
We live in a world where criminal activities have started becoming the new norm. In recent years, the law around the world had hard time managing the peace and harmony. While some people blame the technology and the economy growth which brings enough tools for the culprit to do the deed, others believe factors like the drastic difference between social and financial status of people, are to blame. I believe causes like lack of acceptance in terms of different race, ethnicity, culture and religion could make matters worse. One of the major reason is, people are hesitant to accept others who are different then themselves. The skepticism prevails in environment such as this. For instance, the african american community is always targetted and prejudiced against here in the united states. This constant criticism and being looked down upon by others, actually provokes criminal behavior in teenagers, who are forming their opinion about the society at that age. Their mental state gets disturbed, and as a result, they turn to criminal activities like theft, abduction, scams etc. However, there are many remedies available that can help improve the situation. For example, giving the proper education to children of all race, religon, nationality etc. , could be a great starting point. Learning to differentiate between the right and the wrong is an important ability and the education system can help cultivate it. An educated person can form their own opinion about matters and can make a good living for themselves. This gives the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, which stops their mind to be tempted to do anything that is not legal or dangerous to the society. In summary, even though the crime rate has skyrocketed recently, it is still possible to combat the situation by resolving the issues that form the basis of this criminal behavior.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
becoming the new norm. In recent years, the law around the world had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time managing the peace and harmony. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
blame the technology and the economy growth which brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
tools for the culprit to do the deed, others believe factors like the drastic difference between social and financial status of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, are to blame. I believe causes like lack of acceptance in terms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
race, ethnicity, culture and religion could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
matters worse.

One of the major reason is,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are hesitant to accept others who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
then
themselves. The skepticism prevails in environment such as this.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
african
Possible spelling mistake found.
american
community is always
Possible spelling mistake found.
targetted
and prejudiced against here in the
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
united states
. This constant criticism and
being looked
down upon by others, actually provokes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
behavior in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, who are forming their opinion about the society at that age. Their mental state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
disturbed, and
as a result
, they turn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities like theft, abduction, scams etc.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
remedies available that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation.
For example
, giving the proper education to children of all race,
Possible spelling mistake found.
religon
, nationality etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
could be a great starting point. Learning to differentiate between the right and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
ability and the education system can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
cultivate it. An educated person can form their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion about matters and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living for themselves. This gives the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
their mind to
be tempted
to do anything
that is
not legal or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to the society.

In summary,
even though
the crime rate has skyrocketed recently, it is
still
possible to combat the situation by resolving the issues that form the basis of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
behavior.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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