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what are advantages and disadvantages of using smart devices v.2

what are advantages and disadvantages of using smart devices v. 2
It is a fact that in recent years, some children spend a huge amount of time per day on using smartphones or other intelligent devices such as laptops. This trend will introduce both pros and cons, my speaking will show primary benefits and drawbacks. On the one hand, using smartphones and other smart devices constantly would bring several disadvantages. One evident disadvantage is that children are able to be addicted. It means that children will spend almost their space by using smartphones or laptops instead of spending hours participating other healthy activities or doing homework or housework. this causes their low score in school and affects their concentration when they study in traditional ways without technology. Moreover, when children utilize laptops uncontrollably, their health worse especially their eyes. For example, if a child sits in front of the screen of computers perennially, his eyes will be tired and even cause short-sightedness. On the other hand, I argue that using smart devices a lot would bring more plus points. To begin with, smart devices can develop youngsters' creativity and imagination. It means that children's brain can absorb vivid images and sounds through their eyes and ears, which can help children know more about the world with a variety of topics. Secondly, children who live far from their family can keep in touch with their parents easily by smartphones. Some people argue that using smartphones are constantly being a great distraction for children's studying. I suppose that children nowadays can study online with a lot of reliable sources of information, so children can learn online with their smartphones or computers. In conclusion, spending much second on using smartphones or other smart devices would bring more positive aspects for children although there are several notable downsides.
It is a fact that in recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend a huge amount of time per day on using smartphones or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
such as laptops. This trend will introduce both pros and cons, my speaking will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
primary benefits and drawbacks.

On the one hand, using smartphones and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
constantly
would bring several disadvantages. One evident disadvantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to
be addicted
. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will spend almost their space by using smartphones or laptops
instead
of spending hours participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
healthy activities or doing homework or housework.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
causes their low score in school and affects their concentration when they study in traditional ways without technology.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
utilize laptops
uncontrollably
, their health worse
especially
their eyes.
For example
, if a child sits in front of the screen of computers
perennially
, his eyes will
be tired
and even cause
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I argue that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
a lot would bring more plus points. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can develop youngsters' creativity and imagination. It means that children's brain can absorb vivid images and sounds through their eyes and ears, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know more about the world with a variety of topics.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from their family can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their parents
easily
by smartphones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that using smartphones are
constantly
being a great distraction for children's studying. I suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays can study online with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reliable sources of information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn online with their smartphones or computers.

In conclusion
, spending much second on using smartphones or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
would bring more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
although there are several notable downsides.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay what are advantages and disadvantages of using smart devices v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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