Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People in developed countries are buying more and more cars. Do the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v.1

People in developed countries are buying more and more cars. Do the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v. 1
Gone are the days, when people satisfied with a normal growth. Of late, everyone wants a luxury lifestyle so the things which provide them royal life is increasing. Masses are purchasing more cars, and, no doubt this phenomenon carries a multifarious benefits. Although, some people claim that increasing the total of cars has nasty consequences also. In the following paragraph, we would elucidate the pros and cons of having a large number of cars. To commence with the bright side, popularity of cars having various benefits such as it provides royal growth as well as convenient, people feel having cars means they can showcase the others about their activity and materialistic things, and, it makes our life easier. If the person having a car, then they go anywhere, where they want to go. They do not only feel comfortable, but they also feels privacy which is not possible in public transportation. Thus, figures of cars gaining on the daily basis interval Shifting towards the opposite side, there are some nasty consequences as well. Raising the figure of cars is not good for health because people have not involved themselves in physical activities. It has a detrimental impact on individual healths as the problem of obesity increases, and, cars provides the problem of population which affects the environment and creates global issue. Pollution makes our life worse because of its detrimental effect on people. Moreover, the trouble of traffic also gains because if the total of cars in the roads increases, then menace of a transportation jam is also gaining. I would like to quote an epitome that research conducted by the Hindustan newspaper regarding the worse condition of transport then result shows that people prefer their private cars which impact on travel jam. Hammering the last nail, after discussing both benefits and drawbacks, I would like to infer that the cons outweigh the pros, but effort should be made to minimize the latter one. Health is wealth so we cannot compromise health with other things so cars having myriads of negative aspects.
Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
satisfied with a normal growth. Of late, everyone wants a luxury lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the things which provide them royal life is increasing. Masses are purchasing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, and, no doubt this phenomenon carries a multifarious
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "benefit"?
benefits
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that increasing the total of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
has nasty consequences
also
. In the following paragraph, we would elucidate the pros and cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
cars.

To commence with the bright side, popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
various benefits such as it provides royal growth
as well
as convenient,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
means they can showcase the others about their activity and materialistic things, and, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our life easier. If the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, then they go anywhere, where they want to go. They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
feel comfortable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "feel"
feels
privacy which is not possible in public transportation.
Thus
, figures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
gaining on the daily basis interval

Shifting towards the opposite side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nasty consequences
as well
. Raising the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not involved themselves in physical activities. It has a detrimental impact on individual
Possible spelling mistake found.
healths
as the problem of obesity increases, and,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
provides the problem of population which affects the environment and creates global issue. Pollution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our life worse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, the trouble of traffic
also
gains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the total of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in the roads increases, then menace of a transportation jam is
also
gaining. I would like to quote an epitome that research conducted by the Hindustan newspaper regarding the worse condition of transport then result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
which impact on travel jam.

Hammering the last nail, after discussing both benefits and drawbacks, I would like to infer that the cons outweigh the pros,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
effort should
be made
to minimize the latter one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is wealth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we cannot compromise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
with other things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
myriads of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People in developed countries are buying more and more cars. Do the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts