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A society develops the technology in communicating devices rapidly such as smart phones, tablets and other communicating devices. Some people claims that the disadvantages of such device outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

A society develops the technology in communicating devices rapidly such as smart phones, tablets and other communicating devices. Some people claims that the disadvantages of such device outweigh the advantages. v. 1
Today, advertising plays a crucial part in every business. Many sports stars and athletes advertise various sport related products. Although, it might result in better sales of the company, there are arguments that it can cause some problems. This essay examines both advantages and disadvantages of sports stars endorsing products. To begin with, a product endorsed by a famous sport person generates a lot of sales and employment opportunities. By watching their star in an advertisement, people may be influenced to buy that product. For example, Virat Kholi are famous cricketer has started endorsing MRF cricket bats, which instantly boosted the sales of the company by 30%. Furthermore, sport persons generally advertise the item by playing their sport or by showing their skills. This encourages the youth of today to have an active and athletic lifestyle similar to the person in the advertisement. The influence of advertisements with a famous personality in it, is significantly higher when compared to normal adverts. This leads to children, forcing their parents to buy them the desired product. For instance, a recent poll conducted by Time of India states that more than 45% of parents agreed to have spent 10% more money due to sports equipment for their children. In addition to this, companies pay very huge amount to the celebrity for marketing their goods. They plan to retrieve this amount by increasing the price of the product, therefore, further increasing the burden on parents to satisfy their loved one's desire. In conclusion, there are various benefits for companies to which sport persons advertise for. However, there are greater disadvantages to parents because of their children, forcing them to buy rather costly items, which are endorsed by the their favourite celebrity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, advertising plays a crucial part in every business.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars and athletes advertise various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Although, it might result in better sales of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, there are arguments that it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems. This essay examines both advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars endorsing products.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
endorsed by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
generates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sales and employment opportunities. By watching their star in an advertisement,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
be influenced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kholi
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cricketer has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
endorsing MRF cricket bats, which
instantly
boosted the sales of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
by 30%.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
generally
advertise the item by playing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or by showing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This encourages the youth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
to have an active and athletic lifestyle similar to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in the advertisement.

The influence of advertisements with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personality in it, is
significantly
higher when compared to normal adverts. This leads to children, forcing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them the desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
For instance
, a recent poll conducted by Time of India states that more than 45% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to have spent 10% more money due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment for their children.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
huge amount to the celebrity for marketing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. They plan to retrieve this amount by increasing the price of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
,
therefore
,
further
increasing the burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to satisfy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one's desire.

In conclusion
, there are various benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
advertise for.
However
, there are greater disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their children, forcing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
rather
costly items, which
are endorsed
by
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their favourite" or "the favourite"?
the their favourite
celebrity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A society develops the technology in communicating devices rapidly such as smart phones, tablets and other communicating devices. Some people claims that the disadvantages of such device outweigh the advantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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