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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.11

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 11
Views often differ on whether or not the arts involving musical and theatrical entertainments should be the ones which advisably and worthily take advantage of funds available from the government coffers instead of community services such as education and health care. Personally, I absolutely concur with the conception of investing in artistic projects for some rational reasons. Arts, hitherto, become symbolic and specific characteristics of particular nations which mesmerize and attract foreigners’ first glances and impression on those nations. Governmental expenditures, therefore, should be allocated to arts to aggrandize and glorify the uniquely ostensive splendours of divergent countries. It can be exemplified by Mona Lisa, an one-off masterpiece of Italian artists, have become a representative image and symbol of Italy. Undeniably, a country’s artistic work is considered as an imprint on foreign people about it, which is a way to enhance and promote the tourism development. Furthermore, some kinds of art could maintain and gratify people’s satisfaction and happiness. Music, for instance, is prevalently opted for recreational delight. It is scientifically substantiated that during the process of absorbing sounds of a composition, human’s brain releases dopamine, a chemical creates motivational pleasure and addiction, supporting the process of convalescing of people who suffer from stress and depression. Hence, the government should provide fundings for reinforcing and fortifying the art work rather than other social services because the art may constitute a therapeutic remedy in some situations. To sum up, notwithstanding arguments for and against investment in the arts, I believe that spending money from government coffers is beneficial and imperative in the contemporary day for countries’ symbol and the artistic exertion to therapies.
Views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
differ on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
involving musical and theatrical entertainments should be the ones which
advisably
and
worthily
take advantage of funds available from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
coffers
instead
of community services such as education and health care.
Personally
, I
absolutely
concur with the conception of investing in artistic projects for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rational reasons.

Arts, hitherto, become symbolic and specific characteristics of particular nations which mesmerize and attract foreigners’
first
glances and impression on those nations. Governmental expenditures,
therefore
, should
be allocated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
to aggrandize and glorify the
uniquely
Possible spelling mistake found.
ostensive
Possible spelling mistake. 'splendours' is British English.
splendours
of divergent countries. It can
be exemplified
by Mona Lisa,
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
one-off masterpiece of Italian artists, have become a representative image and symbol of Italy.
Undeniably
, a country’s artistic work
is considered
as an imprint on foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about it, which is a way to enhance and promote the tourism development.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
could maintain and gratify
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s satisfaction and happiness. Music,
for instance
, is
Possible spelling mistake found.
prevalently
opted for recreational delight. It is
scientifically
substantiated that during the process of absorbing sounds of a composition, human’s brain releases dopamine, a chemical creates motivational pleasure and addiction, supporting the process of convalescing of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who suffer from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
for reinforcing and fortifying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
work
rather
than other social services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
may constitute a therapeutic remedy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations.

To sum up, notwithstanding arguments for and against investment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, I believe that spending money from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
coffers is beneficial and imperative in the contemporary day for countries’ symbol and the artistic exertion to therapies.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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