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A society develops the technology in communicating devices rapidly such as smart phones, tablets and other communicating devices. Some people claims that the disadvantages of such device outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

A society develops the technology in communicating devices rapidly such as smart phones, tablets and other communicating devices. Some people claims that the disadvantages of such device outweigh the advantages. v. 2
As society develops, the technological devices also developed. Due to such development, there are advantages and disadvantages aspects for this device. The advantages for modernised communicating devices can be the faster, easier and convenient aspects which are improving the standard of living for individuals. However, the drawbacks such as psychological and physical damages are inevitable. Therefore, the communicating devices can cause more harm than benefits so that, an appropriate using manner is required. There are several advantages for modernised communicating device. At individual level, nowadays everybody can be able to make global friends easily and they can contact each other at their convenient time. For the companies, especially multinational and international corporations, are able to contact a various oversea departments by this communicating device which provides the opportunities to conduct a meeting or conference at a shorter time. Therefore, the development of communicating devices is enabling the society to be linked together and can be able to achieve the quality of standard of living. Despite all those advantages, there are several disadvantages of using modernised communicating devices. The most obvious dark sides of using such modernised device are the physical damages. The apparent aspect can be the hunchback, eye sight, turtle neck syndrome and backaches. Since young people are familiar with such device that they spend the most of their times devoted to such new ways of communication, there are a probability that there are a loss of socialisation skills. This indicates that people are addicted to the modernised communicating devices that they may forget the traditional way of socialisation. This may result in the psychological damage such as isolation and depression. Therefore, the development of communicating devices can be causing several psychological and physical damages that can block the physical socialisation. In conclusion, it is common to see that the development of technology has enabled the improvement of people' s lifestyles. This communicating device development helps people to achieve the task at faster, easier and convenient manner. However, the dark sides of such development cannot be ignored. There are physical, psychological and socialisation damages may block the interaction between people. Therefore, it is recommended that people should aware of the consequences and use such devices in an appropriate manner.
As society develops, the technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
also
developed. Due to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages aspects for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
for
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can be the faster, easier and convenient aspects which are improving the standard of living for individuals.
However
, the drawbacks such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
damages are inevitable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can cause more harm than benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, an appropriate using manner
is required
.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
for
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
. At individual level, nowadays everybody can be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
global friends
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
they can contact each other at their convenient time. For the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
especially
multinational and international corporations, are able to contact a various oversea departments by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
which provides the opportunities to conduct a meeting or conference at a shorter time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
is enabling the society to
be linked
together and can be able to achieve the quality of standard of living.

Despite all those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
, there are several disadvantages of using
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. The most obvious dark sides of using such
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
damages. The apparent aspect can be the hunchback,
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
,
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
turtle neck
syndrome and backaches. Since young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are familiar with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
that they spend the most of their times devoted to such new ways of communication, there are a probability that there are a loss of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This indicates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
that they may forget the traditional way of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
. This may result in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damage
such as isolation and depression.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can be causing several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
damages that can block the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
.

In conclusion
, it is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of technology has enabled the improvement of
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s lifestyles. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve the task at faster, easier and convenient manner.
However
, the dark sides of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
damages may block the interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should aware of the consequences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
Consider replacing "in an appropriate manner" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate manner
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay A society develops the technology in communicating devices rapidly such as smart phones, tablets and other communicating devices. Some people claims that the disadvantages of such device outweigh the advantages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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