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what are advantages and disadvantages of using smart devices? v.1

what are advantages and disadvantages of using smart devices? v. 1
It is a fact that in recent years, some children spend a huge amount of time per day on using smartphones or other intelligent devices such as laptops. This trend will introduce both pros and cons, but I am in an agreement that the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, using smartphones and other smart devices constantly would bring several disadvantages. One evident disadvantage is that children are able to be addicted. It means that children will spend almost their time on using smartphones or laptops instead of spending time on participating other healthy activities such as reading books. This causes their low score in school and affects their concentration when they study in traditional ways without technology. Moreover, when children use smartphones or laptops uncontrollably, their health will be affected badly. For example, if a child sits in front of the screen of smartphones or computers perennially, his eyes will be tired and even cause short-sightedness. On the other hand, I argue that using smartphones or smart devices a lot would bring more benefits. The first great advantage is that smart devices can develop children's creativity and imagination. It means that children's brain can absorb vivid images and sounds through their eyes and ears, which can help children know more about the world with a variety of topics. The second advantage is that children who live far from their family can keep in touch with their parents easily by smartphones or laptops. For instance, parents or grandparents can control their children's safety easily and effectively. Some people argue that using smartphones constantly is a great distraction for children's studying. I suppose that children nowadays can study online with a lot of reliable sources of information, so children can learn online by their smartphones or computers. In conclusion, spending much time on using smartphones or other smart devices would bring more positive aspects for children although there are several notable downsides.
It is a fact that in recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
per day on using smartphones or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
. This trend will introduce both pros and cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am in an agreement that the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, using smartphones and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
constantly
would bring several disadvantages. One evident disadvantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to
be addicted
. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will spend almost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on using smartphones or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
healthy activities such as reading books. This causes their low score in school and affects their concentration when they study in traditional ways without technology.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphones or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
uncontrollably
, their health will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
badly
.
For example
, if a child sits in front of the screen of smartphones or computers
perennially
, his eyes will
be tired
and even cause
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I argue that using smartphones or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
a lot would bring more benefits. The
first
great advantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
creativity and imagination. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
brain can absorb vivid images and sounds through their eyes and ears, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know more about the world with a variety of topics. The second advantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from their family can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their parents
easily
by smartphones or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
.
For instance
, parents or grandparents can control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
safety
easily
and
effectively
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that using smartphones
constantly
is a great distraction for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
studying. I suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays can study online with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reliable sources of information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn online by their smartphones or computers.

In conclusion
, spending much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on using smartphones or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
would bring more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
although there are several notable downsides.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay what are advantages and disadvantages of using smart devices? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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