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Weddings are more expensive in many countries comparison present and past. What is the reason behind this? Is this a positive or a negative development? v.2

Weddings are more expensive in many countries comparison present and past. What is the reason behind this? Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 2
In recent years, many countries have witnessed an exponential rise in grand wedding parties in comparison to the past. The essay will discuss the various reasons and elaborate on why this is a negative development. Firstly, people have lots of extra money at their disposal, compared to the past. Secondly, the impact of media on people. There are justifiable evidences that these two things coupled are majorly responsible for people spending lavishly on their weddings. For instance, through social media pictures and videos of celebrities are made viral, and people set it as a benchmark for themselves. Moreover, trying to emulate such wedding people end up spending way too much. In addition, it often becomes a trend and is followed by everyone. Thus, in order to set high societal standards, people end up splurging extra cash. However, such weddings are known to have a detrimental effect on the whole community. Due to the high wedding standard set, many people are forced to take loans and meet the desired wedding criteria. For example, in India in the year 2010 around 20% people use to take loan for wedding purpose, which has now grown to around 70% in 2019. Moreover, the family along with the newly wedded couple face tremendous pressure in terms of repaying back the loans. There have even been instances where people have reported to have suffered from anxiety and stress, thus having adverse health effects. To conclude, an increment in people's wealth along with the desire to impress people may be the cause of expensive weddings. However, there are irrefutable claims that it comes at the expense of massive stress caused by some people.
In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have witnessed an exponential rise in grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
parties
in comparison
to the past. The essay will discuss the various reasons and elaborate on why this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lots of extra money at their disposal, compared to the past.
Secondly
, the impact of media on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are justifiable evidences that these two things coupled are
majorly
responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending
lavishly
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
.
For instance
, through social media pictures and videos of celebrities
are made
viral, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
set it as a benchmark for themselves.
Moreover
, trying to emulate such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending way too much.
In addition
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
becomes a trend and
is followed
by everyone.
Thus
, in order to set high societal standards,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up splurging extra cash.

However
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
are known
to have a detrimental effect
on the whole
community. Due to the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
standard set,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forced
to take loans and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
criteria.
For example
, in India in the year 2010 around 20%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
take loan for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
purpose, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
grown to around 70% in 2019.
Moreover
, the family along with the
newly
wedded couple face tremendous pressure in terms of repaying back the loans. There have even been instances where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have reported to have suffered from anxiety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
thus
having adverse health effects.

To conclude
, an increment in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's wealth along with the desire to impress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may be the cause of expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
.
However
, there are irrefutable claims that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
at the expense of massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
caused by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Weddings are more expensive in many countries comparison present and past. What is the reason behind this? Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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