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Most people accept that we now live in a globalised world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. To what extent is globalisation a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Most people accept that we now live in a globalised world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. v. 3
Modernisation and technological developments have led to worldwide globalisation and as a result, it has impacted the lives of people in a positive way. However, some people do argue that, this change has damaged the society and hence, discourage it strongly. In this essay, I will discuss the several ways in which globalisation has helped in shaping the modern society and will support my opinion with relevant examples. Firstly, it has strengthened social bonds and has transcended cultural differences by bringing people together. Open minded people from all over the planet, have set aside their cultural, racial, and religious differences and are seen, working and socialising together. For example, multinational companies like Apple, Microsoft, Google employ millions of people, from over 90+ countries. This has lead to an enhanced international economic participation and have increased the economic growth. Likewise, big corporate companies like Nintendo, Walmart, and Amazon hires staff from many countries, such as, Phillipines, Australia, Mexico, Germany, Kenya, Brazil, the U. S, India, and Japan. Secondly, multiculturalism promotes social development and progress. The growth and evolution of a society depend on how diverse and inclusive it is. For instance, some of the most advanced cities like New York, Tokyo, London have a diverse population consisting of nationals from Europe, Asia, Latin America, Oceania, and Africa and they all live in harmony together. Thirdly, this new change has greatly damaged stereotypes, racism, bigotry, and narrow minded views by combining different people in the world. People of different colours and races, now work and socialise freely without the fear of getting persecuted. This, intermingling of people was an unimaginable concept in the past. For example, in Paris, white, black and brown people live together, understand and respect each other's culture and views, which is a sharp contrast to the extreme intolerant situation in the early 1900s Europe. To conclude, industrialisation and technological advancement have benefitted us by bringing people of different origins together under the same roof. Even though, alternatively, some people find this transition uncomfortable and consider it harmful, I strongly disagree with their narrow minded views. In my opinion, globalisation has boosted the economy, weakened racism, increased cultural understanding, created more job opportunities and has a significant positive impact on the modern world.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Modernisation' is British English.
Modernisation
and technological developments have led to worldwide
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
and
as a result
, it has impacted the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do argue that, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has damaged the society and
hence
, discourage it
strongly
. In this essay, I will discuss the several ways in which
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in shaping the modern society and will support my opinion with relevant examples.

Firstly
, it has strengthened social bonds and has transcended cultural differences by bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Open minded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the planet, have set aside their cultural, racial, and religious differences and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, working and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
together.
For example
, multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Apple, Microsoft, Google employ millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, from over 90+ countries. This has lead to an enhanced international economic participation and have increased the economic growth.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Nintendo, Walmart, and Amazon hires staff from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, such as,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phillipines
, Australia, Mexico, Germany, Kenya, Brazil, the U. S, India, and Japan.

Secondly
, multiculturalism promotes social development and progress. The growth and evolution of a society depend on how diverse and inclusive it is.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the most advanced cities like New York, Tokyo, London
The singular proper name 'London' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
a diverse population consisting of nationals from Europe, Asia, Latin America, Oceania, and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Africa and
they all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony together.

Thirdly
, this new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
greatly
damaged stereotypes, racism, bigotry, and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
narrow minded
views by combining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
and races,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
work and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
freely
without the fear of getting persecuted. This, intermingling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was an unimaginable concept in the past.
For example
, in Paris, white, black and brown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together, understand and respect each other's culture and views, which is a sharp contrast to the extreme intolerant situation in the early 1900s Europe.

To conclude
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
and technological advancement have
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
us by bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
origins together under the same roof.
Even though
,
alternatively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find this transition uncomfortable and consider it harmful, I
strongly
disagree with their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
narrow minded
views. In my opinion,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has boosted the economy, weakened racism, increased cultural understanding, created more job opportunities and has a significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the modern world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Most people accept that we now live in a globalised world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
374 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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