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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree? v.10

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 10
The reduction of crimes commitment requires the inclusion of strict punishment in law in order to discourage people. Some people believe that outlaws should not be just kept in jails, but should be used to do free cost community works. I completely agree with the statement because I believe that this will further decrease the rate of crimes in the society. The rapid increase recorded in the number of offensive actions is largely due to the loopholes in law in vogue. Those who break it believe that they will easily get bail because of non-availability of strict torture as well as the cumbersome process in courts to quickly get the outcome of the case. That’s why they bear no problem being kept in bars. For example the report published on the massive increase in the number of crimes revealed from the random survey, that such persons are just caught and kept in jails without any difficult work to do to make them discourage in the coming time. Thus, this becomes the major reason for going against rather than following it. In addition, when provisions exist in the law that jailers will be also subject punishment upon caught, thus nobody will ever think of breaking the law and hence the rate will then decline. For instance, the stringent laws that are formulated in the advanced countries of the globe, include certain provisions for the prisoners that they will be subject to minor punishment like a free cost work for the society, has largely encouraged people to adhere and follow the law. In conclusion, unless efforts are made to make the lives of prisoners difficult and hard, the rate of crimes will only escalate. While residents should always adhere to the rules and policies in vogue, governments should make efforts to remove any ambiguity from the legislation in order to not provide a way for people to commit crimes.
The reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
commitment requires the inclusion of strict punishment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
in order to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that outlaws should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in jails,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do free cost community works. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that this will
further
decrease the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the society.

The rapid increase recorded in the number of offensive actions is
largely
due to the loopholes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
in vogue. Those who break it believe that they will
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of non-availability of strict torture
as well
as the cumbersome process in courts to
quickly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the outcome of the case. That’s why they bear no problem being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in bars.
For example
the report published on the massive increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
revealed from the random survey, that such persons are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
caught and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in jails without any difficult work to do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them discourage in the coming time.
Thus
, this becomes the major reason for going against
rather
than following it.

In addition
, when provisions exist in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
that jailers will be
also
subject punishment upon caught,
thus
nobody will ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of breaking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
and
hence
the rate will then decline.
For instance
, the stringent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
that
are formulated
in the advanced countries of the globe, include certain provisions for the prisoners that they will be subject to minor punishment like a free cost work for the society, has
largely
encouraged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to adhere and follow the law.

In conclusion
, unless efforts
are made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of prisoners difficult and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
escalate. While residents should always adhere to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and policies in vogue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to remove any ambiguity from the legislation in order to not provide a way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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