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Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters Do you agree or disagree v.2

Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters v. 2
In this essay, I will express the extent to which I agree with whether companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. I will furthermore explain the reasons for my opinion. To begin with, I strongly agree with the given statement. Companies, in my opinion, are the most capable to provide facilities. Not only this but employees may benefit greatly from such facilities. Firstly, since companies undoubtedly have the necessary amount of revenue required to provide such facilities they are the most capable to do so. In addition, they are well suited to sustain such facilities as a result of their experience obtained from operating a company. This means it is more likely a community can benefit from a facility run by a company as opposed to an individual. For instance, a company like 'fitness first' would be in more of a capable position to provide the relevant facilities to communities than an average person. Furthermore, many companies retain workers to perform tasks that may be stressful or mundane. Although the companies are not obligated to provide facilities for communities, I adamantly believe that them doing so would help in the physical and social health of the people in the community. Such an example is those that are employed in the computer programming sector. In conclusion, companies being the most well equipped, are the most capable to provide facilities to communities in order to promote the physical and social well being and I firmly agree that because of the reasons that I have stated that companies should indeed provide sports and social facilities.
In this essay, I will express the extent to which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
facilities for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. I will
furthermore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons for my opinion. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
, in my opinion, are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capable
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
facilities. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
employees may benefit
greatly
from such facilities.

Firstly
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
undoubtedly
have the necessary amount of revenue required to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
such facilities they are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capable
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
In addition
, they are well suited to sustain such facilities
as a result
of their experience obtained from operating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. This means it is more likely a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
can benefit from a facility run by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as opposed to an individual.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
like 'fitness
first
' would be in more of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capable
position to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the relevant facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
than an average person.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
retain workers to perform tasks that may be stressful or mundane. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are not obligated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
, I
adamantly
believe that them doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the physical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
health of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Such an example is those that
are employed
in the computer programming sector.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
being the most
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
, are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capable
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
in order to promote the physical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
and I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons that I have stated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
indeed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
facilities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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