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You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information: •what kind of business you want to start•how much v.1

You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information: •what kind of business you want to start•how much v. 1
Media is an unavoidable source of information which reaches to the population in many ways; radio, television, messages, newspaper is one of them. Some people believe that, brutality shown in the media influences humanity to do violence. If questioned, I completely agree with these statement. My implications of these topics have been discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, brutal acts have a negative effect on the community which thinks that it is cool to do equivalent things. Youngsters are the one who has a large impact of the media, having the nature of aggressiveness, reactions shown in the channels supports them to react them violently on the life problems and various incidence. For instance, action movies have a large impact on the kids. Moreover, action scenes shown in the videos attracts children more. They do not know that crises are performed under the supervision, which leads to some injuries to the public when performed. In addition to my opinion, news passes too quickly and the public reacts to it in a flip of seconds. Furthermore, when news about sensitive topics like as protests against the government or any religious acts occurs, people react very aggressively towards it and if there is news of fights and bomb blast occurs, culprit minds think that they should do it leading to bad impression on the nation. Though, recently government of India has to ban spreading of the messages related to CAA act which had the involvement of violent actions from the general public. To summarise, I pen down that news having a vulnerable effect on the company should prohibit or contains information about the safety precautions related to shooting of action scenes with educational information too.
Media is an unavoidable source of information which reaches to the population in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways; radio, television, messages, newspaper is one of them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, brutality shown in the media influences humanity to do violence. If questioned, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
Did you mean "this statement" or "these statements"?
these statement
. My implications of these topics have
been discussed
in the forthcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, brutal acts have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the community which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that it is cool to do equivalent things. Youngsters are the one who has a large impact of the media, having the nature of aggressiveness, reactions shown in the channels supports them to react them
violently
on the life problems and various incidence.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
movies have a large impact on the kids.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
scenes shown in the videos attracts children more. They do not know that crises
are performed
under the supervision, which leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
injuries to the public when performed.

In addition
to my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
passes too
quickly
and the public reacts to it in a flip of seconds.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about sensitive topics like as protests against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or any religious acts occurs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
react
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
aggressively
towards it and if there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
of fights and bomb blast occurs, culprit minds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should do it leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impression on the nation.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
, recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
ban spreading of the messages related to CAA act which had the involvement of violent actions from the
Consider using "public".
general public
.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, I pen down that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
having a vulnerable effect on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should prohibit or contains information about the safety precautions related to shooting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
scenes with educational information too.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information: •what kind of business you want to start•how much v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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