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Wealthy nations should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Wealthy nations should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 1
It is argued that rich countries should accommodate more homeless people and equip them with shelters, food, water etc. This essay completely agrees with that statement because giving protection for people who escape from their own country is the responsibility of all and also it will increase the number of labor force. People who are displaced from their home country should get their citizenship with basic amenities from developed countries because these people will not be having anything in their hand. It is a humanitarian concern that will lead the country in the good books of all other nations. High class states have all facilities like, schools, colleges, hospitals etc. and also funds to take care of the poor who came running by leaving everything behind including their lifetime savings, properties, buildings etc. While moving from one place to another, they even might not have taken their passport. For example, US is accommodating more and more Somalians and Africans nowadays. Another reason why emigrants should be safeguarded is because the fact that the work force of the domain will increase. The stateless people will be very much respectful towards the nations which give shelter for them, so they will be ready to do anything for the society. Companies can avail even skilled workers with less compensation and benefits. Research shows that, 35% of the lower level employees of Apple company are from Pakistan. In conclusion, refugees must be protected by developed nations because it is a humanitarian concern and also it will improve the manpower. Therefore, I believe that more high class nations should come forward to accept homeless.
It
is argued
that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should accommodate more homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and equip them with shelters, food, water etc. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
giving protection for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who escape from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the responsibility of all and
also
it will increase the number of labor force.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
are displaced
from their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their citizenship with basic amenities from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be having anything in their hand. It is a humanitarian concern that will lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
books of all other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. High
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
states have all facilities like, schools, colleges, hospitals etc. and
also
funds to take care of the poor who came running by leaving everything behind including their lifetime savings, properties, buildings etc. While moving from one place to another, they even might not have taken their passport.
For example
, US is accommodating more and more
This expression can be considered offensive.
Somalians
and Africans nowadays.

Another reason why emigrants should
be safeguarded
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the fact that the work force of the domain will increase. The stateless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much respectful towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
which give shelter for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will be ready to do anything for the society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
can avail even skilled workers with less compensation and benefits. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, 35% of the lower level employees of Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
are from Pakistan.

In conclusion
, refugees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be protected
by developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a humanitarian concern and
also
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the manpower.
Therefore
, I believe that more high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to accept homeless.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Wealthy nations should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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