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Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. v. 2
It is argued that rich nations should allow more displaced people and arrange them with basic needs like food, water, and shelter. This essay completely agrees with this statement because developed countries will have better infrastructure to support them and these refugees promote trade and business. Affluent nations are capable of assisting displaced citizens as they have more financial power in comparison with other countries. They often collect money in the form of taxes from its own citizens as well as from immigrants at various levels. People working in corporations, law firms and hospitals pay huge amounts of money as taxes every year with respect to their salaries. These funds are contributed to the welfare of the country and also to extend help to refugees. For example, in the year 2017, Canada spent 30% of its reserve in helping refugees from the USA saving thousands of people from death and food deprivation. Another reason is that displaced people help in escalating economic status by boosting sales of that country. Since more refugees seek a living they often accept labour and manual jobs to support their families with fundamental necessities. Apparently, more factories are flourished to create employment opportunities for these people. Also, they help in building up relationships with other countries which is helpful in lending hand during wars and financial crisis. For instance, in the year 2013, Russia had seen a 20% hike in its Oil business because of increased manpower working in oil mines as a result of accepting refugees from Syria. To conclude, wealthy nations should accept more displaced people and refugees because they are financially capable to do so and these people indeed encourage profits from the trade between different countries.
It
is argued
that rich nations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
more displaced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and arrange them with basic needs like food, water, and shelter.

This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will have better infrastructure to support them and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
promote trade and business.

Affluent nations are capable of assisting displaced citizens as they have more financial power
in comparison
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
collect money in the form of taxes from its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens
as well
as from immigrants at various levels.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
working in corporations, law firms and hospitals pay huge amounts of money as taxes every year with respect to their salaries. These funds
are contributed
to the welfare of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
also
to extend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
.
For example
, in the year 2017, Canada spent 30% of its reserve in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
from the USA saving thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from death and food deprivation.

Another reason is that displaced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in escalating economic status by boosting sales of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Since more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
seek a living they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
accept
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
and manual jobs to support their families with fundamental necessities.
Apparently
, more factories
are flourished
to create employment opportunities for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in building up relationships with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which is helpful in lending hand during wars and financial crisis.
For instance
, in the year 2013, Russia had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a 20% hike in its Oil business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increased manpower working in oil mines
as a result
of accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
from Syria.

To conclude
, wealthy nations should accept more displaced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
financially
capable to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
indeed
encourage profits from the trade between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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