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Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 4
It is argued that rich nations should accommodate more homeless people and equip them with shelters, food, water etc. This essay completely agrees with that statement because developed states have enough funds and facilities and this will create a positive development in the workforce of the host country. Highly developed nations must give protection for the people who are affected by war or poverty because these nations have enough financial stability to provide the basic amenities. It is a humanitarian concern that the war affected citizens should not be left unattended, but they should be treated nicely with all facilities like, shelters, food, schools, colleges, hospitals etc. Most of them will be under mental tension and counselling, treatment etc need to be made available and they should have homely feeling. For example, US is accommodating more and more Somalians and Africans nowadays because these countries are totally affected by the fight and poverty. Another reason why immigrants should be safeguarded is because the fact that the manpower of the domain will improve. The stateless people coming from different places and with different skills and qualification can contribute much of the host country. The companies can easily avail them with less compensation and also they will be ready to transfer their knowledge at the most for the country which rescued them in their helpless situation. Recent news has stated that the UK and US are benefiting from refugees with their skill and knowledge because they open their door and accepting a big number of people who are affected by economic and non economic disasters. In conclusion, refugees must be protected by developed nations because economically developed nations can assist them with their basic needs and also it will generate a new highly developed manpower. Therefore, I believe that more high class states should come forward to accept homeless.
It
is argued
that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should accommodate more homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and equip them with shelters, food, water etc. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
states have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds and facilities and this will create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development in the workforce of the host country.

Highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give protection for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
by war or poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial stability to provide the basic amenities. It is a humanitarian concern that the war
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
citizens should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unattended,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should
be treated
nicely
with all facilities like, shelters, food, schools, colleges, hospitals etc. Most of them will be under mental tension and counselling, treatment etc need to
be made
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
available and
they should have homely feeling.
For example
, US is accommodating more and more
This expression can be considered offensive.
Somalians
and Africans nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these countries are
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
by the fight and poverty.

Another reason why immigrants should
be safeguarded
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the fact that the manpower of the domain will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. The stateless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places and with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and qualification can contribute much of the host country. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can
easily
avail them with less compensation and
also
they will be ready to transfer their knowledge at the most for the country which rescued them in their helpless situation. Recent news has stated that the UK and US are benefiting from refugees with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they open their door and accepting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
by economic and
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non economic
disasters.

In conclusion
, refugees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be protected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
economically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can assist them with their basic needs and
also
it will generate a new
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
manpower.
Therefore
, I believe that more high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
states should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to accept homeless.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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