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Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. v. 3
Today many of the countries, which are financially sound, welcome people from different developing countries seeking help. I strongly believe that these countries ought to stop this and, in that way, the poor nations could survive on their own. This essay provides some reasons why the developed nation should ban people seeking refuge. First of all, the proper development of a country is hampered if people in the needy nation keep on seeking foreign aid. Many of the developing nations are in their status quo due to their utmost dependency on rich countries. In which, People in these nations spend their precious time mostly preparing themselves to enter other countries and this leads to the scarcity of capable workforce in their home country such as many developing Asian and African countries and eventually they will not be able to contribute their talent for the development of their nation. Another reason behind the disagreement is that it helps the poor nation to become more independent and this help for their survival. The nation is forced to find the solution regarding their survival if there is not a slightest possibility of any support and most of the time this independency has proven to be very prosperous for the nation. For instance, China between late sixties and early seventies was very weak economically but they have been able to achieve success to overcome those perilous years because ironically they did not get any aid from other nations. Therefore, it can be sometimes better for the realm if there is not any interference from any alien nations. In conclusion, if developed nation are allowed to support their counterpart in need then I believe, it hampers the economic and financial growth of that country. However, developing ally could find the way to survive and even achieve growth economically and financially if there is no aid at all.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which are
financially
sound, welcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
seeking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. I
strongly
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this and, in that way, the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
could survive on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This essay provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seeking refuge.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the proper development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is hampered
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on seeking foreign aid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are in their status quo due to their utmost dependency on rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
spend their precious time
mostly
preparing themselves to enter other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and this leads to the scarcity of capable workforce in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
Asian and African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
eventually
they will not be able to contribute their talent for the development of their nation.

Another reason behind the disagreement is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to become more independent and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for their survival. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is forced
to find the solution regarding their survival if there is not
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
slightest possibility of any support and most of the time this
Possible spelling mistake found.
independency
has proven to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
prosperous for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For instance
, China between late sixties and early seventies was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
weak
economically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have been able to achieve success to overcome those perilous years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
ironically
they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any aid from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Therefore
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
better for the realm if there is not any interference from any alien nations.

In conclusion
, if developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to support their counterpart in need then I believe, it hampers the economic and financial growth of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
ally could find the way to survive and even achieve growth
economically
and
financially
if there is no aid at all.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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