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Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

It is true that devastated refugees are already in need of basic life necessities like food and shelter and need an acceptance from the privileged countries. Their arrival in a new country can give birth to multiple advantages and disadvantages. This essay neither agrees nor disagrees hosting refugees and will discuss both aspects. Wealthy countries for sure are able and must facilitate refugees with at least basic life needs like food and shelter. Refugees bring with them an entirely new culture, norms and traditions and add diversity to the existing social setup. For instance, Pakistan is such a country who is not a first world country but still has facilitated refugees from Afghanistan for more than a decade and has experienced Afghani culture mixed in the Pakistani culture. Marriages, cuisines, norms have been shared between the people of two countries. On the other hand, refugees can also bring with them unacceptable traditions, norms and practices. The host country can possibly witness high crime rate, monetary burden, lack of participation and negative attitude from the side of refugees. Proceeding again with the example of Pakistan, refugees from Afghanistan incorporated the gun culture in Pakistani society. Crime rate also increased in Pakistani society and poverty added fuel to the fire by putting burden on the economic structure of Pakistan. The arrival of a new culture brings both, advantages and disadvantages for the host country and therefore refugees can be a blessing and a curse at the same time for the host country. In conclusion, wealthy countries must play their part in facilitating refugees at least in their time of crisis but at the same time they must also develop strong and practical strategies to avoid damage to their own country.
It is true that devastated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
are already in need of basic life necessities like food and shelter and need an acceptance from the privileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Their arrival in a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can give birth to multiple advantages and disadvantages. This essay neither
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
nor disagrees hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
and will discuss both aspects.

Wealthy
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countries
for sure are able and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
with at least basic life needs like food and shelter.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Refugees
bring with them an
entirely
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, norms and traditions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
diversity to the existing social setup.
For instance
, Pakistan is such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
who is not a
first
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
has facilitated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
from Afghanistan for more than a decade and has experienced Afghani
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
mixed in the Pakistani
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. Marriages, cuisines, norms have
been shared
between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of two countries.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
can
also
bring with them unacceptable traditions, norms and practices. The host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
possibly
witness high crime rate, monetary burden, lack of participation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude from the side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
. Proceeding again with the example of Pakistan,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
from Afghanistan incorporated the gun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in Pakistani society. Crime rate
also
increased in Pakistani society and poverty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
fuel to the fire by putting burden on the economic structure of Pakistan.

The arrival of a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
brings both, advantages and disadvantages for the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
can be a blessing and a curse at the same time for the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In conclusion
, wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play their part in facilitating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
at least in their time of crisis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
develop strong and practical strategies to avoid damage to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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