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Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 5
Higher escapees should be adopted by rich nations and furnish them basic necessities like shelter and meals. This essay totally agrees with the idea because displaced persons can be absorbed as cheaper workforce and helps in improving state’s status in the global market. Developed countries could sack the refugees as a reasonable labour by putting them in factories, big plants and mining caves. In many affluent nations, it is difficult to find labour at low cost and natives usually charge great for even a small work, therefore fugitives could be employed as a daily wage workforce at less pay. Well developed countries where youth population is very less, they can be taken as cheap labour which help economy to boost & overall help in maintaining development. For example, every year, Germany and Canada accepts a number of refugees to balance the growth of their country. Accommodating escapees could benefit a well – heeled nation by enhancing its reputation in the global market and the local people would learn about their new culture. Migrants play a fundamental role in bringing international trade and investment becoming mediators between the states. Worldwide the nation would recognise its share and status because of a rise in business. Additionally, escapees could bring in their culture and natives would have an opportunity to understand and learn something about a new culture and broadens their horizons. For example, In the United States of America, while migrants are 15 % of the population, they represent 25 % of entrepreneurs. In conclusion, recognising larger expatriates is has always be a win-win situation for the receiving country by furnishing them day to day needs, including home and eatables because they can be available as a low rate workman for a manufacturer and further beneficial to intensify the nation’s image in the global market by international trade and cultural exchange.
Higher escapees should
be adopted
by rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and furnish them
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
like shelter and meals. This essay
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
displaced persons can
be absorbed
as cheaper workforce and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in improving state’s status in the global market.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Developed countries
could sack the refugees as a reasonable
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
by putting them in factories,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
plants and mining caves. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, it is difficult to find
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
at low cost and natives
usually
charge great for even a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
work,
therefore
fugitives could
be employed
as a daily wage workforce at less pay. Well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
where youth population is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less, they can
be taken
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
economy to boost &
overall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in maintaining development.
For example
, every year, Germany and Canada accepts a number of refugees to balance the growth of their country.

Accommodating escapees could benefit a well
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
heeled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
by enhancing its reputation in the global market and the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would learn about their new culture. Migrants play a fundamental role in bringing international trade and investment becoming mediators between the states. Worldwide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
would
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
its share and status
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a rise in business.
Additionally
, escapees could bring in their culture and natives would have an opportunity to understand and learn something about a new culture and broadens their horizons.
For example
, In the United States of America, while migrants are 15 % of the population, they represent 25 % of entrepreneurs.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognising' is British English.
recognising
larger expatriates is has always
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "been".
be
a win-win situation for the receiving country by furnishing them day to day needs, including home and eatables
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can be available as a low rate workman for a manufacturer and
further
beneficial to intensify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
image in the global market by international trade and cultural exchange.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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