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In poor families, teenagers may have to work part-time as well as study. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this for these teenagers. v.1

In poor families, teenagers may have to work part-time as well as study. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this for these teenagers. v. 1
Nowadays, we can see lots of students working a part-time job while they are studying. This more likely to happen to teenagers from poor families. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of this phenomenon. To begin with the advantages, the teenager can benefit a lot from this experience for many reasons. Firstly, having to work as well as study is a challenging task. However, it isn’t impossible because it will enrich the teenager as a person. He will learn to take responsibility and how important to manage your time perfectly. Secondly, by working on a young old, the teenager will be able to know how to deal with people. Thus, he can attract more customers in the future. For example, when my brother was 15 years old, he had to work for two years and this period had made him know more people and make relationships with. Regards the disadvantages, it also has too many risks that might hurt the student who works. First, it can disturb him from his studying because attending the class and doing the assignments on time, will be difficult to do at the time you are working in. For instance, this had affected my brother’s average in the first semester of that period. furthermore, it can hurt the teenager’s health. The reason for that is he won’t find enough time to sleep or enjoy. So, he will be under pressure all day. To conclude, working to teenagers who are suffering from poverty can bring many benefits as well as issues. So, it depends on the student himself and sometimes on the supporting that’s given to him by his parents.
Nowadays, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
lots of students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
a part-time job while they are studying. This more likely to happen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
from poor families. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of this phenomenon.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the advantages, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
can benefit a lot from this experience for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
Firstly
, having to work
as well
as study is a challenging task.
However
, it isn’t impossible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will enrich the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
as a person. He will learn to take responsibility and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to manage your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
perfectly
.
Secondly
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on a young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
will be able to know how to deal with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Thus
, he can attract more customers in the future.
For example
, when my brother was 15 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, he had to work for two years and this period had made him know more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
relationships with.

Regards the disadvantages, it
also
has too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that might hurt the student who works.
First
, it can disturb him from his studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
attending the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and doing the assignments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, will be difficult to do at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in.
For instance
, this had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
my brother’s average in the
first
semester of that period.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, it can hurt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager’s
health. The reason for
that is
he won’t find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to sleep or enjoy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he will be under pressure all day.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
who are suffering from poverty can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits
as well
as issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it depends on the student himself and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
on the supporting that’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to him by his parents.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In poor families, teenagers may have to work part-time as well as study. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this for these teenagers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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