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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy in increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that the people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
People can now live longer than those who lived five decades ago thanks to the growing prosperity and medical improvement. However, a longer life seems to bring about more problems than positive effects to their families and the society, too. In modern society, people are much more active and healthier in their sixties and seventies. They can enjoy more free time or continue their career that previous generations could not even think of. However, unfortunately, although people are physically fit and healthy, the incidence of senile dementia is on a steady increase. These people cannot take care of themselves, and have to rely on aids from their families and other people around all the time. This surely causes the rest of families great concerns and also puts heavy financial burden on them, for all expenses for their treatment are relatively high and expensive. This problem is also true for the state too. In order to provide the senior members with proper medical treatment or services, an astronomical amount of state budget needs to be allocated, according to the growing elderly population. This will exhaust state budget gradually, and more tax burden will put on the shoulder of the public. It is also true that many young couples today often blame the burden of ever-growing living costs for their inability to take care of their parents at home. But if the state has to put more taxes on them, they may eventually feel disadvantaged or a sense of inequality. To sum up, as above, I personally disagree with the idea that lengthened life expectancy has more advantages than the disadvantages due to the increased financial burden on both families and the state.
People
can
now
live
longer than those who
lived
five decades ago thanks to the growing prosperity and medical improvement.
However
, a longer life seems to bring about more problems than
positive
effects to their
families
and the society, too.

In modern society,
people
are much more active and healthier in their sixties and seventies. They can enjoy more free time or continue their career that previous generations could not even
think
of.
However
, unfortunately, although
people
are
physically
fit and healthy, the incidence of senile dementia is on a steady increase. These
people
cannot take care of themselves, and
have to
rely on aids from their
families
and other
people
around all the time. This
surely
causes the rest of
families
great concerns and
also
puts heavy financial
burden
on them, for all expenses for their treatment are
relatively
high and expensive.

This problem is
also
true for the
state
too. In order to provide the senior members with proper medical treatment or services, an astronomical amount of
state
budget needs to
be allocated
, according to the growing elderly population. This will exhaust
state
budget
gradually
, and more tax
burden
will put on the shoulder of the public. It is
also
true that
many
young couples
today
often
blame the
burden
of ever-growing living costs for their inability to take care of their parents at home.
But
if the
state
has to
put more taxes on them, they may
eventually
feel disadvantaged or a sense of inequality.

To sum up, as above, I
personally
disagree with the
idea
that lengthened life expectancy has more advantages than the disadvantages due to the increased financial
burden
on both
families
and the
state
.
What do you think?
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If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy in increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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