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Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.12

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 12
It is argued that rich nations should allow more refugees to enter their borders and support them with food and shelter. This essay agrees with this view because rich countries have enough resources to do this and these people are fleeing from countries that are affected by war and famine. The main reason developed countries should take more displaced people is that they have the financial ability to do so. Countries like Germany, the UK and the USA, have huge budgets that they collect in the form of tax from their citizens and companies operating in their territory. It would only take a tiny fraction of this wealth to accommodate and feed millions of poorer people. For instance, it is estimated that the European Union’s combined GDP is over $18 trillion, and all of the Syrian refugees could be resettled for less than a billion dollars. Wealthy nations also have a moral obligation because refugees are trying to enter their land because their homes have been ruined by war and hunger. No one wants to leave their homeland with their families unless it is essential to do so and if Western countries refuse to take them in, they will certainly be in danger of losing their lives. For example, people from Syria have no food and are often caught in the middle of full scale battles and that is the main reason why nearly 5 million of them have escaped. In conclusion, affluent states should help to resettle refugees because they can afford to do so and it will help save lives.
It
is argued
that rich nations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
to enter their borders and support them with food and shelter. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources to do this and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are fleeing from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by war and famine.

The main reason developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should take more displaced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that they have the financial ability to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
like Germany, the UK and the USA, have huge budgets that they collect in the form of tax from their citizens and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
operating in their territory. It would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take a tiny fraction of this wealth to accommodate and feed millions of poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, it
is estimated
that the European Union’s combined GDP is over $18 trillion, and
Consider using "all the".
all of the
Syrian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
could
be resettled
for less than a billion dollars.

Wealthy nations
also
have a moral obligation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
are trying to enter their land
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their homes have
been ruined
by war and hunger. No one wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homeland with their families unless it is essential to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and if Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
refuse to take them in, they will
certainly
be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of losing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from Syria have no food and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
caught in the middle of full scale battles and
that is
the main reason why
nearly
5 million of them have escaped.

In conclusion
, affluent states should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to resettle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can afford to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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