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A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 5
With the recent increase in migration, the believe that the countries hosting mixed nationality populations are not only more intriguing but also develop faster is gaining support. Although I firmly agree with the latter, in my opinion the opposite is true about the former. In multinational countries the diversity of cultures is disappearing. In other words, when moving to live in a foreing country, many adapt to the way of living in their new country while not cultivating their own traditions anymore. For instance, the majority of migrants from Africa changed the way they dress when they had arrived in Italy. Furthermore, some native residents take foreign traditions as their own, such as celebrating Diwali (a Hindu holiday) in some part of the UK. Therefore, despite the popural believe, multinational society does not make the country more interesting as the cultural diversity dies out in the long term. Concerning the pace of development of those countries, on the other hand, this type of the society increases it significantly. This is due to the fact that concentrating experts in a particular topic, who are coming from a plethora of different nations, allows to share their various experiences and knowledge to achieve the common goal much faster. Taking the United States as an example, in every public institution, including universities, it is possible to meet individuals from every country in the world, which resulted in the fact that the US became the fastest developing country in terms of technology. To conclude, countries which are home to the variety of nationalities are not necessary more interesting than those inhabited by a single nation. However, certainly, a wide range of experiences brought by members of various cultures might contribute to faster developments of those countries.
With the recent increase in migration, the
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
hosting mixed nationality populations are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
more intriguing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
develop faster is gaining support. Although I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter, in my opinion the opposite is true about the former.

In multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the diversity of cultures is disappearing.
In other words
, when moving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
foreing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adapt to the way of living in their new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
while not cultivating their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditions anymore.
For instance
, the majority of migrants from Africa
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way they dress when they had arrived in Italy.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
native residents take foreign traditions as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, such as celebrating Diwali (a Hindu holiday) in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the UK.
Therefore
, despite the
Possible spelling mistake found.
popural
believe, multinational society does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
more interesting as the cultural diversity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
out in the long term.

Concerning the pace of development of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
on the other hand
, this type of the society increases it
significantly
.
This is due to the fact that
concentrating experts in a particular topic, who are coming from a plethora of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to share their various experiences and knowledge to achieve the common goal much faster. Taking the United States as an example, in every public institution, including universities, it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
individuals from every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the world, which resulted in the fact that the US became the fastest developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in terms of technology.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are home to the variety of nationalities are not necessary more interesting than those inhabited by a single nation.
However
,
certainly
, a wide range of experiences brought by members of various cultures might contribute to faster developments of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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