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Some people say that computer games are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children’s development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that computer games are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children’s development. v. 1
Television has become a household commodity since the 1960s and, today, everyone watches it for several hours per day. Some people believe that television advertisements are important for learning about the latest products and understanding them properly. Others think these are designed to manipulate the audience. I support the former view. I believe that television advertisements are the most trusted and reliable medium to help people learn about the latest product offerings. Since everyone today watches television, a company can advertise its new products and instantly reach the audience. Without this, the companies will have to do door to door marketing and this will entail a huge cost. Moreover, this is extremely beneficial for people to know about the products. Television advertisements help them learn about various products such as airlines, consumer goods, insurance, smartphones, and computers in 30 seconds and then they can make a further inquiry with the company or its representatives. On the other hand, some people believe that advertisements are a source of misguiding the public. The companies never inform the public about the problems with their products. Rather, they always show the positive side. In worse cases, they misinform the public which has no way to learn the truth. For instance, many pharmaceutical companies hire sportspersons to market food supplements which contain steroids. People are made to believe that these supplements are good for their health when, in fact, they are extremely harmful. In conclusion, though advertisements sometimes misguide the public, they are a reliable source of information for most people. They help people to learn about the latest introductions in the market and offer a reliable platform for companies to attract customers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
has become a household commodity since the 1960s and,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
it for several hours per day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for learning about the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and understanding them
properly
. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
are designed
to manipulate the audience. I support the former view.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are the most trusted and reliable medium to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
offerings. Since everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can advertise its new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
instantly
reach the audience. Without this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do door to door marketing and this will entail a huge cost.
Moreover
, this is
extremely
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
such as airlines, consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, insurance, smartphones, and computers in 30
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
seconds and
then they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
further
inquiry with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or its representatives.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are a source of misguiding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
never inform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
about the problems with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Rather
, they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side. In worse cases, they misinform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
which has no way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the truth.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pharmaceutical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
hire
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
to market food supplements which contain steroids.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are made
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that these supplements are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their health when, in fact, they are
extremely
harmful.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
misguide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, they are a reliable source of information for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the latest introductions in the market and offer a reliable platform for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to attract customers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that computer games are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children’s development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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