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Some people believe it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show affection to them. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show affection to them. v. 1
Expressing love towards our loved ones is extremely important. While some people think that giving gifts is the best way to do this since materials are the only way to show love, others think respect is a better way. I think we can do this by following both approaches partially. We often express love and care by giving materials on different occasions such as birthdays and marriage anniversaries. In many societies, the economic value of a gift is also considered to measure the extent of love. For example, in Punjabi weddings, mothers often gift gold jewelry to their daughters as an expression of love. If they fail to give this gift, the society sees this as a sign of broken relationships. Similarly, birthdays are occasions to give presents to fulfill long pending wishes. While a boy may expect his parents to gift him a cricket kit to play the game at a professional level, a girl wants them to present a dress for a party. Merely expressing love through a hug is not sufficient. On the other hand, sometimes a gift is not desirable to show care. Instead, it destroys the innocence of relationships. An old parent, for example, does not need a gift from her children but the warmth of relationships. She wants them to live with her, cook her some food, and talk to her regularly. Merely giving her a gift and then staying away from her is not sufficient. In many cultures, such as Indian and Japanese, touching an elder’s feet is more important than giving a gift occasionally. In conclusion, I think that while giving presents is important on special occasions to show love and care, we need to care personally by serving others in day-to-day life. Both are important and we need to strike a balance between the two approaches.
Expressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
towards our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones is
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
is the best way to do this since materials are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
respect is a better way. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
we can do this by following both approaches
partially
.

We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
express
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
materials on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occasions such as birthdays and marriage anniversaries. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies, the economic value of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
is
also
The verb 'considered' is used with the gerund form: "considered measuring".
considered to measure
the extent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
.
For example
, in Punjabi weddings, mothers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
gold jewelry to their daughters as an expression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
. If they fail to give this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
, the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
this as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of broken relationships.
Similarly
, birthdays are occasions to give presents to fulfill long pending wishes. While a boy may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
his parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
him a cricket kit to play the game at a professional level, a girl wants them to present a dress for a party.
Merely
expressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
through a hug is not sufficient.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
is not desirable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
Instead
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the innocence of relationships. An
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parent,
for example
, does not need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
from her children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the warmth of relationships. She wants them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with her, cook her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food, and talk to her
regularly
.
Merely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
her a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
and then staying away from her is not sufficient. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures, such as Indian and Japanese, touching an elder’s feet is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
occasionally
.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
presents is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
on special occasions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, we need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
personally
by serving others in day-to-day life. Both are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
important and
we need to strike a balance between the two approaches.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show affection to them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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