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Wealthy countries should accept more and provide them with basic, such as food and. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Wealthy countries should accept more and provide them with basic, such as food and. v. 1
Countries with sound financial position should accommodate refugees and provide basic amenities like housing facilities and food. Prosperous countries have more than enough resources to assist the refugees in settling in their country by not only providing food and shelter but also in terms of psychological health and jobs. I am in total support of this argument and will further provide details in how the developed countries can help them in settling and build a life with future prospects. Firstly, wealthy nations have good financial status by which they can provide food and shelter, as it is the most basic need of any human being especially people who fled from the war like conditions. Food and shelter would allow refugees to survive in a totally unknown country. This not only helps them to live but would also provide psychological support as they would feel that there are people or government in this world who care for them. A study conducted in Germany, where the refugees were put up; 75% stated that they were relieved from the stress of their survival after they left Syria and are able to live a peaceful and healthy life. Secondly, refugees can also be considered as an asset and not just burden on the country. People who fled from their country in the hope of having a bright future can contribute to the labour market where they have been provided shelter. The government can provide helping hand by assisting in getting a job or holding skill training courses in order to make a living of their own. For example computer training course would help them to get an assistant job or they could work in a construction company and many more. To conclude, I would say developed nations would not only help the refugees in living a fruitful life but would also help in building brotherhood among its citizen and building a respectful and peaceful relationship with other countries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
with sound financial position should accommodate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
basic amenities like housing facilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources to assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
in settling in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shelter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in terms of psychological health and jobs. I am in total support of this argument and will
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in how the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in settling and build a life with future prospects.

Firstly
, wealthy nations have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
financial status by which they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shelter
, as it is the most basic need of any human being
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who fled from the war like conditions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shelter
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
to survive in a
totally
unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
psychological support as they would feel that there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in this world who care for them. A study conducted in Germany, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
were put
up; 75% stated that they
were relieved
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of their survival after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
Syria and are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a peaceful and healthy life.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
can
also
be considered
as an asset and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who fled from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the hope of having a bright future can contribute to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market where they have
been provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shelter
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
helping hand by assisting in getting a job or holding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
training courses in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For example
computer training course would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an assistant
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job or
they could work in a construction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.

To conclude
, I would say developed nations would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
in living a fruitful life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in building brotherhood among its citizen and building a respectful and peaceful relationship with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Wealthy countries should accept more and provide them with basic, such as food and. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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