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Being A Celebrity Such As A Famous Film Star Or Sports Personality Brings Problems As Well As Benefits v.6

Being A Celebrity Such As A Famous Film Star Or Sports Personality Brings Problems As Well As Benefits v. 6
Being in stardom either from the film industry or from the sports has always hampered one’s personal life. Although, there are many benefits of being a public personality, but there are also many issues which they have to face. In my opinion, being a celebrity brings more trouble in life which I will discuss in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, everyone in this world has a dream of becoming famous in their respective fields. When we saw movie actor and actress on TV we always imagine how good their lives are they have all kings of luxury in their lives. They travel in imported cars, private jets. But, they work hard to earn the status. Every star had gone through a struggling phase before achieving the milestone. They are living everybody’s dream. On the contrary, living a luxurious life is not as easy as its looks. One of the most serious problems for them is that they cannot roam around the roads as we all do. Apart from it, they cannot even go to eat dinner in whichever restaurant they want. Furthermore, they always need security personnel whenever they want to go outside. There is always a fear in their mind of stalking or being robbed on the roads. To exemplify more, Virat Kholi was the brand ambassador of Pepsi, in an event he mistakenly hold a cane of coke which was a rival company of Pepsi and the sponsor company immediately terminated the contract with him. He had breached the contract and eventually had to pay a hefty amount to the sponsor company. To encapsulate, being a star is everyone’s dream, but living with a status of a star is a task in itself. It is not an easy life to live. After achieving all the success in the life one has to struggle to live a simple life. Hence, it brings more problems in life then benefits.
Being in stardom either from the film industry or from the sports has always hampered one’s personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of being a public personality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues which they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face. In my opinion, being a celebrity brings more trouble in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which I will discuss in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, everyone in this world has a dream of becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in their respective fields. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
movie actor and actress on TV we always imagine how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are they have all kings of luxury in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. They travel in imported cars, private jets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn the status. Every star had gone through a struggling phase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
achieving the milestone. They are living everybody’s dream.

On the contrary
, living a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not as easy as its looks. One of the most serious problems for them is that they cannot roam around the roads as we all do. Apart from it, they cannot even go to eat dinner in whichever restaurant they want.
Furthermore
, they always need security personnel whenever they want to go outside. There is always a fear in their mind of stalking or
being robbed
on the roads. To exemplify more,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kholi
was the brand ambassador of Pepsi, in an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
he
mistakenly
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "holds", "held".
hold
a cane of coke which was a rival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of Pepsi and the sponsor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
immediately terminated the contract with him. He had breached the contract and
eventually
had to pay a hefty amount to the sponsor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To encapsulate, being a star is everyone’s dream,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
living with a status of a star is a task in itself. It is not an easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
achieving all the success in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
struggle to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Hence
, it brings more problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
then benefits.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Being A Celebrity Such As A Famous Film Star Or Sports Personality Brings Problems As Well As Benefits v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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