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Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.5

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 5
Some people think that wealth does not provide sustainable happiness. I completely agree with this statement. This is a will first discuss about the short time pleasure of a luxurious lifestyle and followed by spiritual needs to guarantee true human happiness. To begin with, money can afford luxuries for a short time period, but cannot satisfy an individual for a lifetime. In other words, happiness is an innate power which comes from inside, through money, a person can only fulfil his excessive greed, but cannot sustain a pleasure of his internal satisfaction in the long run. The survey, conducted by the World Health Organisation concluded that more than 50% of well privileged people are vulnerable to distress and anxiety, which makes them more physically ill and hence, cause of dreadful diseases, like hypertension, cardiovascular diseases and depression. Consequently, this is an ultimate reason of unhappiness among wealthier people. On the other hand, besides wealth, there are some other factors, which guarantees human prosperity and happiness. These aspects care love, compassion, altruism, appreciation, et cetera. Instead of wealth, a lifelong happiness can only be achieved by training and educating the sentient mind for these factors. The mother of a nation known as Mother Teresa is one of the suitable examples, who spent all of her life to contribute to society and help poorer to achieve an innate power of happiness. In conclusion, people argue that happiness cannot be achieved by prosperity and wealth, because happiness is the human power which cannot be accomplished with luxurious things and it can only be fulfilled by showing love, compassion, altruism and appreciation for others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
does not provide sustainable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. This is a will
first
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
short time pleasure of a luxurious lifestyle and followed by spiritual needs to guarantee true human happiness.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, money can afford luxuries for a short time period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot satisfy an individual for a lifetime. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is an innate power which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from inside, through money, a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fulfil his excessive greed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot sustain a pleasure of his internal satisfaction in the long run. The survey, conducted by the World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
concluded that more than 50% of well privileged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are vulnerable to distress and anxiety, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more
physically
ill and
hence
, cause of dreadful diseases, like hypertension, cardiovascular diseases and depression.
Consequently
, this is an ultimate reason of unhappiness among wealthier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors, which guarantees human prosperity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. These aspects care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, compassion, altruism, appreciation,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
.
Instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
, a lifelong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achieved
by training and educating the sentient mind for these factors. The mother of a nation known as Mother Teresa is one of the suitable examples, who spent all of her life to contribute to society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poorer to achieve an innate power of happiness.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
cannot
be achieved
by prosperity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is the human power which cannot
be accomplished
with luxurious things and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be fulfilled
by showing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, compassion, altruism and appreciation for others.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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