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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
There is no doubt that the dramatic rise in living standards throughout last decades have provided enormous benefits for our daily life, particularly type of entertainment. One of the most popular kinds of entertainment currently is social media. Although social media possess several advantages in terms of entertainment and relationship, shortage of actual interaction combining with personal risk are two disadvantages of it. Before presenting writer's idea, the following essay will analyze social media pros and cons. More specifically, it is apparent that social media benefits us, in terms of entertainment and relationship expansion. First, considering leisure purpose, there are myriad of various entertainment experiences to pleasing its users, ranging from online board games to numerous hilarious videos and short films. Second, with social media, users not only make friends all over the world, but also useful contacts such as online interviews or future partners. Social media is becoming convenient means of communication to widen our acquaintances or even establish global contacts. On the other hand, when it comes to drawbacks, face-to-face interaction and personal information turn out to be the two most outstanding ones. Due to the convenience of social media together with the fast pace of life, social media gradually take away the need for real conversation. Teenagers may text to friends for nearly an hour, but not willing to spend 30 minutes for confiding in with parents, for example. Moreover, social media possesses numerous risks related to sharing personal information. Sharing information unconsciously may lead to identity thieves, stalkers. According to several researchers, there is an unprecedented increase in the number of cyber criminals, such as rape or murder when those accidentally know the address shared, for example, on Facebook. From my perspective, I firmly advocate with the viewpoint that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of social media in terms of actual interaction an information leak. Sadly enough, kids these days only communicate through screens even with family members on dinners, which results in the slow death of actual conversation. In addition, it is cyber criminals caused by unawareness in posting information that I am afraid of the most while using social media. In a nutshell, social media is obviously beneficial regarding major type of pastime along with contacts expansion while lack of interaction and personal dangers are two scared-to-death negative points, when it comes to disadvantages of it
There is no doubt that the dramatic rise in living standards throughout last decades have provided enormous benefits for our daily life,
particularly
type of entertainment. One of the most popular kinds of entertainment
currently
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
possess several advantages in terms of entertainment and relationship, shortage of actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
combining with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
are two disadvantages of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
presenting writer's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, the following essay will analyze
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
pros and cons.

More
specifically
, it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
benefits us, in terms of entertainment and relationship expansion.
First
, considering leisure purpose, there are myriad of various entertainment experiences to pleasing its users, ranging from online board games to numerous hilarious videos and short films. Second, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, users not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends all over the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
useful contacts such as online interviews or future partners.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is becoming convenient means of communication to widen our acquaintances or even establish global contacts.

On the other hand
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to drawbacks, face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
turn out to be the two most outstanding ones. Due to the convenience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
together with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
gradually
take away the need for real conversation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
may text to friends for
nearly
an hour,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not willing to spend 30 minutes for confiding in with parents,
for example
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
possesses numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
related to sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. Sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
unconsciously
may lead to identity thieves, stalkers. According to several researchers, there is an unprecedented increase in the number of cyber criminals, such as rape or murder when those
accidentally
know the address shared,
for example
, on Facebook.

From my perspective, I
firmly
advocate with the viewpoint that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in terms of actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
leak.
Sadly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, kids these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
communicate through screens even with family members on dinners, which results in the slow death of actual conversation.
In addition
, it is cyber criminals caused by unawareness in posting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that I am afraid of the most while using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

In a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
obviously
beneficial regarding major type of pastime along with contacts expansion while lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
are two scared-to-death
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to disadvantages of it
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
391 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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